I had an uncle who claimed to have witnessed the Fourth Twiddlesworth Manor ruckus in 1989. I don’t believe him though, he still had both of his thumbs and all his toes.

Here we go.

That’s because Patrick needs someone to tweet about it, first.

In your case, yes.

Can’t wait to hear who the Sox pick to be their LOOGY this season, that’ll be a nail-biter of a competition.

Poor Tom Gamboa. He popped up as a coach at the World Baseball Classic.

He was great in his brief moments in “Black Hawk Down.” Really the only levity in the whole thing.

How d’you know, he might’ve left it at home that day.

Ran out of the pills again, eh? I’ll call Sergei.

Somebody taught me this when I was a kid (parents maybe? I hear sometimes they have good ideas) and it’s worked pretty well for me ever since, including once when I was taking a written test in the middle of a job interview. Fortunately I’m not as prone to nosebleeds as I was as a kid.

Comparing who did more useless ceremonial tasks and who’s lagging in their useless ceremonial tasks is kinda hilarious.

Did you get my RSVP? It said, “Who the fuck are you and why should I care?”

I get a kick out of all these puns bubbling up, but I have to say it’s Cristal clear to me that you’re the undisputed champagne of wine-related jokes.

We would’ve missed you at the last meeting, if we had one, but we didn’t, so piss off.

Even before becoming a president - even before stoking the fires of the birther movement - he was a net drain on humanity, extracting wealth from the world and adding nothing meaningful. OK, some skyscrapers and casinos and golf courses got built. Whoop-de-do, that happens without Donald Trump all the time, and the…

His idea of a horror movie would be one where a billionaire loses his fortune and has to survive on $40,000 a year. From his perspective that’s no different from abject poverty and squalor.

He always means it when he says it. He just reserves the right to retroactively change his mind and to have meant something different after the fact.

The thing is, because of gerrymandering and the number of seats to be defended, even if there’s an epic anti-Trump wave, the GOP will still hold the House for sure and probably the Senate, too.

“When the president said he doesn’t like black people, what he meant was that he doesn’t like it when the lights are out in the White House and he can’t see anyone. To read anything else into his statement, ‘I Donald Trump, hate people with dark colored skin, specifically those who are descended from slaves forcefully…

I was thinking that, too. I’m a good 30 years younger than him and haven’t done a ton of manual labor, some, but a lot less than others. My hands look older than his.