Something reasonable but unrealistic (“After a meeting with the commissioners, the NFL has pledged to institute a zero tolerance domestic violence policy with automatic one year suspension and loss of wages”) that they will look terrible when backtracking.

When I was 11 I was at a week long hockey camp at the University of Maine. My best friend and I realized a couple days in that - cut off from TV (this was 1994) and playing hockey 10 hours a day - no one had any idea of what was going on in the world.

I’d announce that Tim Tebow has been signed by The Cleveland Browns.

For baseball, I would only tweet the losses by the Cardinals, nothing more.

Basketball: The rules committee has met and dunking is no longer allowed in basketball. We don’t like the message it sends to the youth who follow our sport.

Golf: Tickets now on sale for the Masters. Send paypal to suckers@gmail.com to guarantee your tickets for the next Masters tournament.

Baseball: If you build it…

I wouldn’t tweet a thing, just start following depraved porn accounts, racist accounts, etc, and then let somebody else discover it.

Don't worry. Goodell has already suspended the account.

I like it, actually.

Did you know sharks don’t actually have a penis, but have two organs known as “claspers”?

I can give a few reasons why Ana Ivanovic is so popular on the women’s tour, and it has absolutely nothing to do with her nationality.

You’re an idiot. He’s always been a lovable goofball. Remember when he used to do impressions of other tennis players during warm-ups to entertain the crowd? That was damn near a decade ago, well before he started to challenge Federer and Nadal. It’s not calculated PR at all. There’s also the fact that people mature…

What, if anything in this article, substantiates your hot take about his manufactured personality?

*Take requires oven mitts for safe handling*

In this week’s SI, there’s a quote that really struck me:

Dear Representative Daniel,

[Newspaper artist goes to hospital]

No, 2016. No. You don’t get The Greatest too. Fuck right off.

It’s measured in dog inches. Completely legit, just like the dude’s socks.

No. He “went after” the Clinton administration over some allegedly corrupt land deals which turned out to be absolutely fucking nothing. After spending 60 million dollars of taxpayer money and 6 years and dragging dozens of people through the mud (including digging into people’s book buying habits) all he got was one…