- “At the very last moment he chose the latter, and he knew exactly what he was doing.”

Oh I'm sure that'll make Canada change its mind about him

- “the United States is not a receptacle for twee Canadian garbage”

- “So what exactly is a “sexually explicit relationship?””

#robotslivesmatter

This is good Adequateman.

Finally, the proof I needed that fish don't need bicycles.

“Your honor, I admit I punched a kid in the face. In my defense, I thought I was punching a man in the dick."

Band-aids don't fix bullet-holes (or missing fingers)

I know who did this: Crappy Gilmøre

Counterpoint: Angel of Harlem is my favorite karaoke song.

Indirect free-kick, rather than a penalty, I believe.

That's a garbage-ass back-pass.

Take notes of things like this. Unfair treatment of this sort does matter, and it’s worth having it on record that if you were formally admonished, you pointed out that others had not been.

It’s certainly admissible, but “everyone else does it” unfortunately isn’t a defense.

How many digits does he need? Are opposable thumbs a deal-breaker?

“Guys, gather round, I have a great idea for a new movie!”

Don't apologize, the pun was intended!

“You have been suspended 4 games because, in your words: “I gave Donald Trump a haircut.””

I got one game for boning a cheerleader.