I really wish we could change the names of our Dots. I mean besides the options they give of computer, echo, and PC. Lame! I want to give it a real name but not something I’d say in regular conversation so I can talk about Alexa devices without it waking up.

I really want “Don’t ever play this song again” to also work

Additionally, United does not include a carry-on bag in the ticket price (Delta and American do).

Ugh. Air travel sucks. 

after I immediately drink all the free water bottles (flight dehydration is real!)

Down to 10F?  Ha.  Haha.  HAHAHAHA.  I need something down to -30F.

Down to 10F?  Ha.  Haha.  HAHAHAHA.  I need something down to -30F.

The number I give out is 703-555-1212. It surprises me how few people (like, none) these days recognize the number for directory assistance. Change the area code as appropriate, of course.

Now I feel like a sucker for having not thought of this before.

You are right, he did not  have to say it, we already knew who it was.

but they’re also aware of their loyal customer base who they claim “continue to prefer the paper option.”

Hate to be That Guy, but how much of this dickish comment is based on pure, dumb ignorance?

“There is no microSD card slot, nor is there a headphone jack”

I’ve found the best way to properly store wine is in one’s body, via the mouth.

... wait, what? Wait until you get to the end of the sentence, then try to tap accurately enough between the letters of the error to correct them? Let your autocorrect believe that all those wrong words are OK? Christ, no. It’d take me a half hour per sentence that way. I teach that motherfucker what it did wrong as…

10 minutes is normal.

Carol Brady never cooked. Alice did all that work.

Wow...use for 2 hours of big O’s.......

Wow...use for 2 hours of big O’s.......

First of all what kind of neanderthal chews on the metal part of a pencil?  

We plan to execute our Kill Switch (KS) for him

...What? Illinois is definitely NOT in the northeast, we’re solidly in the MidWest thankyouverymuch.