I’m on record as saying there’s a place in the discussion for people with all levels of food preferences, but now I see that no, there is not. For these specific people—the people who as adults (OSTENSIBLY) will only eat chicken nuggets and pizza—they are not allowed to take part in any conversation about food. Adults…

We have a strict 4 big bites rule. Every kid automatically hates something new at 1 bite, but after 4 decent sized bites if you don’t like it - it’s fine. There are things I don’t like either.

My dog growing up refused to eat peas. You could literally give her a bit of stew with mixed vegetables in it, she’d lick the bowl clean, then she would drop all the uneaten peas out of her mouth back into the empty bowl.

Kids should be required to at least try anything before they reject it because “it looks funny,” though. I don’t agree with making kids eat everything they hate, but they damn sure shouldn’t get to sit in their plain-hamburgers-with-ketchup-and-maybe-plain-cheese-pizza comfort zone all the time (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, MY…

My dad was like that. I love brussels sprouts know, but hated them growing up. One time when I was 6 he told me that I wasn’t allowed to leave the table until I had eaten all my sprouts.

...and this is why I have a dog. That would drive me bananas.

God - at a wedding last year, my friend who was like, TWO WEEKS divorced got shoved in there and ended up catching the bouquet. She sat and cried outside afterward. I mean, jeez, a newly divorced 35-year-old has to stand in a crowd of the teenaged cousins? Fuck that.

Sperm hang around in your fallopian tubes for five days. If it hung out in your vagina, that’d be considerably more disgusting.

“I put my mom’s clip-on earrings on Khloé and found a disposable camera and took a picture to capture this memory.”

Is it weird that I’m almost as creeped out that the person Panayiotou plagiarized his eulogy from as I am by him? I don’t really think of myself as superstitious, but writing a eulogy for your not dead wife and marking it with a specific date in the future is bonkers even as a writing exercise.

Re: the fake allergies

“Also, please take this complementary diabetes as a souvenir of your tour!”

The international breakfast is a half-waffle

“Here, we see a server remove the packaging from a frozen cheesecake that arrived on truck this morning to be thawed in a cooler. And so begins and ends our tour of Obscene Selection of Cheesecakes.”

The last one reminds me of a problem I often encounter. I know how to deal with stupid. I know how to deal with mean. I have no idea what the hell to do with stupid AND mean... There is just no fix for that.

And it is now forever Chipohlittle. Thank you BCO

I just figured since the restaurant was called Tokyo, and the fact that the sign said “Japanese and hibachi,” it would have clued these college girls in on the fact that this wasn’t a Chinese restaurant.

Maybe hot chocolate lady was allergic to beige?

Fuck that shit. They should sue. Because you know if it was some white women, not only would they receive payouts in the millions, there would be at 3 mother fucking congressional hearing on the matter.

I had to fill out some dumbass survey to get a quote from a local photographer, and one of the questions was “what kind of bride are you?” Choices were: Traditional, Wild, DIY, Fairytale (and maybe I’m missing another one). I clicked “other” and wrote “simple.” I am a simple goddamn bride. Yes, my wedding will be…