My co-op board in Queens wanted to meet my cat. I’m not joking. I knew they wanted to meet her (and my dog) but she was actually very sick, so I brought a letter from the vet telling them why she couldn’t make it and one of the board members got all huffy about it.

Sorry I’m going to be in the minority and say that I agree that it isn’t right for them to interview the child and reject them based on behavior.

Something very interesting I noticed the second time round: the first time he grabs her, she pushes him off. Then he’s angry at her for showing him up, and he goes to grab her behind in revenge, in order to put her in her place. Such a great demonstration that the men that perpetrate these acts of sexual assault…

I only wish that;

Violence is seldom the answer.

corrects people who refer to him being responsible for his own children as “babysitting.”

I’ll add this to the “owns a suit” competency: Knows at least one way to tie a tie.

Nick Offerman is my spirit animal.

-clips his toenails in the bathroom over a garbage can.

36. Super smart, cures diseases to life threatening diseases everyday

Notices when you vomit loudly out the car window.

45. Writes self serving humblebrag posts on Jezebel and shows wife all the stars he got because he’s an awesome feminist.

33. Doesn’t whine

Breathes and blinks without even trying hard.

OK new moms, it’s apparently now fine to breastfeed in public, but you better look gorgeous doing it. No stained nursing bras, spit-up on your shoulder, stretch marks on your breasts, or circles under your eyes.

The dude who babysits my neighbor’s kid is called Olympus. He plans on changing it to Oliver when he turns 18, apparently.

Yeah the only way telling Maggie Gyllenhaal she's too old is even marginally acceptable is if it's a movie about a pathetic 55 year old man who is emotionally stunted and incapable of growing up. Even then, only if he doesn't get rewarded for his baby step of personal growth with a slightly more age appropriate woman.

She didn’t even get a Last Fuckable Day party.

I blame McDonald’s and the new Hamburglar.

One of the nuggets is naked on the floor next to bones. What is happening?