Smile! Because baby/honey/gurrrl, you're too pretty to look sad, and you should focus on whether or not your face is pleasing to men.

But don't smile too much, or we'll have to kill you.

Having zero athletic skill, I think I'd make a really good assistant coach—you know, set up the cones, shout things like "good hustle!" and "all right, girls, all right!" and make sure everyone got orange slices. Can I sign up specifically for that?

Yeah the condescension is the worst part of pregnancy. Our second child was "semi-planned", as in we were considering having another kid but weren't really trying and didn't think it would happen right after going off my birth control, and I seriously got a bunch of "didn't anyone teach you sex education" and "you…

My personal favorites are all the people who say things like "You're in for it now!" or "You have no idea what you're in for" or "Better sleep while you can!" or "Your life as you know it is over. (Long pause). In a good way." For cryin' out loud, I'm 34 years old. I thought for a long time about whether or not I…

So far my pants still fit me. I think I might resort to a belly band. I'll be carrying mostly this summer, so dresses and shorts are my plan.

As with any big life change - parenthood is an EXCELLENT opportunity to review your credit history for any hiccups or forgotten bills. For example, that emergency room visit you forgot about 3 years ago? Expect a visit from the hospitals collection department when you check in on delivery day.

dont do it JON !

She might have some more than a little crazy opinions, but you know what? Good for her. She loves and is comfortable in her body. That's fantastic. Everyone who wants to snark at her for being happy with herself - regardless of how often she invokes God as the reason - should take a step back and examine their own…

No. You know what? Don't. The Duggars are a hot mess, but don't go snarking on this woman for being comfortable in her body.

ok so somehow, Gillian Jacobs has also become the only person in the world who is good at Vine. Totally didn't Britta it.

Yep. I'm a girl, and apparently I have a "male" communication style because I respond by suggesting solutions.

Bonus: Don't assume your partner, either gender, will automatically conform to these ways of conversing. Better, don't assume these suggestions are for only men or only women. No one should throw advice around all the time, everyone could do with a little prodding on how they want to be responded to.

Here are the things I will not consume while pregnant—cigarettes, hard drugs, certain medications that specifically have warning labels for pregnant women.

8!? Oh God, I have three and I can barely contain them...

H&M has this problem of racks in all sorts of directions but not as bad as Forever21. Sometimes when the people at the register ask if I "found everything ok" I just look and them and say no all the racks are everywhere and nothing is organized by color, trend or even size. Forever 21 racks are like fancy thrift…

I really like that the relatively mundane if somewhat misguided director of a design company turns into Severus Snape.

I blame NBC.

I get a very mcauly caulkin vibe...

Wow. Some of these are quite beautiful.

And some will give me nightmares because they remind me of the time I was in a room by myself with a million little tribal, shrunken heads.