I want to know when Ansolo, Chet Haze, and Gabe Day are going to form the superdouche supergroup we all deserve. That’s a thing that needs to happen.

Yet another media outlet cherry-picks outlying polls to push the “horserace” narrative. Clinton ahead by every metric but Romney, er I mean Trump, has the “momentum” and the “intangibles”. Let’s check in with some Republicans and their “gut feeling” next, anything to avoid reporting the fact that, barring some extreme…

You have been to a series of extraordinarily shitty bars. A bartender isn’t just an ambulatory cocktail shaker. S/he is a confidante, an advisor, a friend; a person who can look into your eyes and see just what will best soothe the wounds on your soul. Stop going to teenybopper dance clubs and hipster-infested…

Oh does it, now? And what does it seem like to people who didn’t eat lead paint chips as children, and as a consequence have IQs that exceed room temperature?

It’s too bad that so many of his followers got confused and thought that he was actually running for President, an office for which he is in no way a good candidate.

What the fuck is this even supposed to mean? What exactly do you think is going to happen at the convention, other than the delegates voting for their pledged nominee? You think that the stupid “Fart-in” and other planned disruptions are going to somehow cause someone other than the woman the Democrats voted for to be…

Damn straight it is. “I was just trollin’” isn’t actually an excuse for being a horrible human being and ruining other people’s lives for “lulz”. Fuck trolls and anyone who thinks that “trolling” is a valid excuse to be an asshole.

What makes you think that Trump is even capable of this?

Haha, you’re funny.

So that means my beat-to-hell, engine-VIN-doesn’t-match-the-body 2003 A4 wagon is now a “sweet ride”? Awesome. You may all envy me now.

An indelible and permanent warning label for the rest of us: “Danger: I have really, really, really poor judgement. Best stay clear.” I think Bernie’s remaining supporters ought to tattoo themselves similarly, for our sakes.

How do they know how old they are, or when it’s their “name day”, if there are no regular seasons?

Yeah, a lot of “food travel shows” turn me off because there’s just an ocean of unexamined privilege there — Attractive Well-Off Host travels to Exotic Foreign Location to eat <ethnicity> cuisine at the nth-best-restaurant-in-the-world, studiously ignoring the experience of anyone not in this rarified social realm…

You mean a Secret Service style code name. The CIA does not generally go around talking about people on walkie-talkies; they’re sitting in an unmarked van listening to someone else’s walkie-talkie...

But they’re not the point of the show. Do they even have a name? They’re just Hatsune Miku’s band. The point of the show is the giant holographic anime sex robot. There’s just something slightly off-putting about that.

I am a tech worker in California. I already believe Fiorina is the Antichrist. You literally cannot make me more afraid of her than I am already.

Hear me out here: a draft military just might be better than an all-volunteer one. A draft means that the next time we’re wondering whether or not to get involved in some foreign clusterfuck intervention, Dan the Office Park Dad and Suzy the Soccer Mom will have actual skin in the game. It will be their sons and…

Progressives who are never pleased as a point of principle ought not to be surprised when the political establishment stops trying to please them.

Oooh, really? Source? That would be great if true. Hiring smart people can’t do you any good if you’re too dumb to listen to them.

OJ saturation? You ain’t seen nothing, kid.