I’d have a system that emails your mom when you’re being a dickbag.

When playing Bioware/Bethesdeh-style RPGs, I always do #9 from the first play-through— if I’m going to pretend to be a wizard, I want to pretend to be a wizard, y’know? If I decide that my in-game guy is a hero, then every villager is getting saved, every kitty-cat will be rescued from every tree, and every…

Welp, there goes my career as a pro gamer.

Can an F-16 pull alongside a Cessna without falling out of the sky? I thought delta wings were not so good at generating lift at low airspeeds.

Those look like turbojets (rather than high-bypass turbofans as would normally be seen on a 737). Am I confused?

The sudden realization that the entire franchise is the most vastly overrated thing in Western pop culture might shatter their delicate little nerd brains, so, we have to give them the news a piece at a time.

OK, serious question about this: how do you locate a bar which is quiet enough to actually have these fascinating conversations? Most bars in my area have live bands on weekend nights, and a jukebox turned up to 11 on weeknights; I’ve certainly nothing against music, live or otherwise, but it’s not conducive to chat.

At the peak of Tyson’s career, no one could last a single round against him. I think this is the basis for comparison.

Oh, don’t you understand? He’s simply too cool for The Beatles.

The local Mexican fast food chain also happens to make some of the best burgers and fries too. Don’t judge me.

Flaca.

Bovine (as a noun) is singular. You mean “the world’s bovines”.

Yeah, I don’t get this either. I’m not supposed to watch this without her consent? Uh... okay, I won’t. Is there some mechanism to solicit her “consent” to view the piece, or are you just supposed to watch it anyway and then feel bad about yourself?

I am clean! I am clean!

Thank you for providing the perfect description of my own reactionary tendencies.

I work with teens with serious mental illnesses and personality disorders.

Raise your hand if, like me, you had no idea Jenny Lewis used to be a child actress...

Because it ain’t Thought Catalog.... yet.

But but she has challenges! Like she used to go gallivanting around the world, and now has babies and a garden! This is a difficult transition, people? Where’s your empathy?

“Deicide?” It’s verboten to invoke the name of a shitty death-metal band in GTA? Why?