On my Earth, this was a hit akin to “Blackbird.” To this day, aspiring didgeridoo players learn to play this first. I was surprised that neither didgeridoos nor this song were as popular here.

Is Elle Woods not a real person on this Earth? In my world, Elle Woods becomes one of the greatest gangsters of our time—a woman who unified the disparate gangs across the then-United States, who like Ching Shih before her, gathered her people unto a nation of themselves.

I am surprised by the delayed success of Cobra Kai on your Earth, as on mine, the Karate Kid franchise led to a long and storied series that rivals that of Star Wars here. To this day, fans debate the addition of Hillary Swank, whose almost-complete initial mastery of karate seemed at odds with Daniel LaRusso’s…

Spelunky is one of the few things that stayed the same between Earth-3 and Earth-1, and I’m glad for it. My wife Ivana and I play it all the time on our home PC, which we purchased especially for it from Montgomery Ward, and it distracts us from knowing that back on our home, things are steadily becoming more and more…

On Earth-3, Brian Michael Bendis is known for creating a multitude of exciting, memorable villains used long after his departure from DC.

In the wake of my exile from Earth-3, it was a shock to discover that your Earth’s General Biden and Director Sanders were, if not wholly good men, then at least your standard politicians. In fact, your “Joe Biden memes” look very similar to the war propaganda of my Earth.

I’m afraid that the main video delivery service on Earth-3 was RealVideo streams on WinAmp TV, and as I understand it, the General Biden of your Earth did not privatize and promote those services as state-owned media. It’s one of the two things I miss most about Earth-3, the other thing being a good slice of roast…

In the early days of the Western Buddha, as we often described Mr. West in the Earth-3 paper, we welcomed his philosophy with open arms. It was during the aftermath of the Sanders Wars, where we had little to look forward to other than General Biden’s constant parades down Main Street, which we all knew were a…

Carl Kasell was a well-known supervillain on my Earth. In fact, your picture above would horrify anyone from Earth-3. During the Sanders Wars Kasell was a well-known lieutenant of General Biden, and particularly gruesome.

On Earth-3, The Foreigner is a movie that actually stars Jackie Chan more than it stars Pierce Brosnan. Imagine my disappointment when I rewatched the version on your Earth.

My father banned all instances of the Christian Bible from my house, as on Earth-3, America was initially built upon the Tao Te Ching. Of course, that all changed during the Sanders Wars. These days, no books are allowed in America, except bookings, as in “booking it to the nearest nuclear shelter before Biden attacks…

On Earth-3, the Ataris later became the band for the Late Night with Bill O’Reilly show. Now there was a true punk.

Here in Earth-3, the AV Club actually bought Gawker. And Hulk Hogan. Human trafficking is legal here, which is bad, but everything else is grand.

Sounds pretty delightful to me!

Is this the Girl on Fire I keep hearing about, who single-handedly saved your Earth from the Earth-3-like wrath of Director Sanders?

On my Earth, alcohol runs as freely as the acid rain that constantly pours from the weather drones, mainly to placate the dwindling populace that lives day by day, hour by hour, under the crushing iron grip of General Biden’s regime.

I’m faithful to Ivana, but strike me if that look of sheer ennui on Earth-1 Mrs. Trump’s face doesn’t make me feel that I’ve found, at the very least, a great pen pal.

It wasn’t too long ago when my good friend Seth Meyers was brutally murdered on air by Jimmy Fallon, with nothing but his own newly won “Best Comedian Ever” award. I remember telling my wife Ivana, “Ivana, without Seth, I’m lost. He was the son I never had.” And my wife said, “What about Donald Jr.?” And we just…

This is common knowledge on my Earth, but I’m not actually from Earth, and neither is the Donald Trump of your Earth. He, like me, was launched from a dying planet by our father and mother in a desperate attempt to salvage millennia of the planet’s instilled good manners, compassion and excellent taste in ties.…

That’s right—thanks for the clarification, Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. or Gender Non-Conforming Talking Dog. To be fair, with the wave of thefts from the Vatican inspired by the American national treasure, “National Treasure” starring Nicolas Kim Coppola, it was easy for me to get mixed up. Also, yesterday, Power Ring ripped…