the game most certainly would have ended in a victory for the Sooners.

“Some people are fans of the Los Angeles Chargers.”

Sorry, but this is just bullshit. No way Roethlisberger can use PowerPoint.

Guys? I think we need to look out for Sam. That’s just brutal.

“I am looking for any and all Schutt Air Advantage Adult Large helmets that were manufactured in 2010 or after. I will trade a signed worn Steelers Head Coach jacket.”

Jesus, let him play in whatever helmet he wants. It's clearly too late to prevent a serious brain injury. 

“This” is a weird spelling of Ivanka.

Goddamn, man. This being Deadspin, I want to make a joke...but I just can’t; nothing about child abuse is humerus.

Sadly, he had no idea what to do when he reached third base

I’m going to Disney World in a month with my wife and 4-year-old daughter.

I’d believe it. I once made a throwaway joke about Fiat money not being backed by anything while snowboarding with some buddies in New York; a lady overheard me and skied 30 yards over to me to accost me and tell me I was wrong because “fiat money is backed by the credit worthiness of the county it is issued in” and…

It was like reading a Sarah Palin transcript.

Goddamn it. I can’t very well listen to a podcast while I’m pooping at work, now can I?

Overtime solution I heard recently: Both teams get the ball at the same time from the opponent’s 20 yard line. Clock starts and the first team to score wins. 44 players on the field! Violence on both ends at all times! The inevitability of the NFL going to a Royal Rumble solution for overtime is finally here!

I apologize for calling her “Tits McGhee”. No one should ever be called “Tits McGhee”. If ever there was a name not to call a girl like Jessica, it would be “Tits McGhee”.

How did you miss “Let’s go.” I have to say this close to a dozen times in the 10 feet from my front door to my car. If I don’t say this 100 times per day, I can barely get them to take 15 steps before getting all distracted

“OK, Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s. Go! Let’s Go!! (poorly considered threat) LET’S. GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (muffled cursing you really hope they can’t decipher)”

That I agree. So then how is it not Wilson's fault for forcing that throw rather than
Carroll's fault?

Are you insane? You wanna pass, fine... I LITERALLY can't think of a more dangerous throw to make than that one. Throw a fade, throw a corner, throw to the back of the endzone... literally, ANYTHING else

Pats came back from down 10 in the 4th quarter against the best defense in the league. No offense, but you're goddamn fucking right it was a Pats win as opposed to a Seattle loss.