No one will want to see a movie about someone named Toni Terdmann.

Magnited States of America!

The only one of those I have is the phone.

Wait, what? I'm out of the loop.

Wait, what's happening to Disqus?

The A.V. Club
Anyone who says they’re happy is a filthy liar

The verse melody sounds so much like Blink-182's "Man Overboard" that I'm surprised Blink didn't get sued.

If he actually did have the best words, he'd be even more unpopular. The person with the best words gets a lot of "Who do you think you are?"

…nomination (they lost to Evanescence).

"El Matador" all day, amirite?

*Prophesied

Change? Cluedo came first.

Probably my favorite "Verbal Cartoonist" gag is "Puberty": "Remember when you were, like, 13 and you were so embarrassed because you thought you were the only guy in the world sneaking out into the woods to masturbate on the graves of your Barbie-doll cemetery?"

I don't think Harambe jokes are racist, but I also don't think they're funny. What's the joke?

That's what your empty popcorn bucket is for.

I saw The Commitments probably fifty times when I was a kid. Holds up!

Okay, I Googled it. I knew it would be some geek shit.

Only Gmail gets these nuts.

Aw, but "poop" is so fun to say.

What?