"[I]t became a massive hit thanks to the fact that it used a sample from Dido's catchy 'Thank You' as a hook."

"Obsessed with deserts"?

I joined Facebook nine years ago this month and have yet to be poked.

The "rolled her eyes at Johnny Depp’s nonsense" URL is epsilon/.

If that's true, it explains why I, a lifelong Californian, have never seen one.

"You try spelling 'Caribbean' right during a marathon typing session."

What?

I wish there were an eardrum in my dick.

Theoretical.

N/A

A few months ago one of these guys kept calling me a handbag. They always think everyone's hep to the alt-right jive.

Update: He just told me, "maybe it's time for a helicopter ride." What does that even mean?

I can't make head or tail of the "Imitation of Life" video, but then, that's true of most music videos.

Fun!

Then why three asterisks?

My favorite is when they call you a gay man whose wife is cheating on him.

I'm currently "debating" a YouTube commenter who actually said, "this jew garbage [Problematic with Moshe Kasher] is hurting race relations."

I can't tell what that word is supposed to be.

For me Rob Delaney will forever have the last word on bitcoin: "I don’t know what bitcoin is but I’m jumping out a 45th story window just to be safe."

Seconded. I can't recommend World's Greatest Dad enough—it's a true original.