You will believe he caught the ball after they win the series?

“We gon’ drap....dem’.....scounced.”

And one of them has a cast on her leg....

Did somebody lose the instructions on how to launch rockets or something?

Can we take a moment to talk about how much Indian food sucks?

The Dolphins will probably do something worse than that on the field this season.

Our priorities are fucked.

Of course we can do better.

I would be interested in more unusual bets like whether or not a member of the Miami Dolphins will be accused of child molestation this season.

Idiots should have the right to lose their money.

Im playing with mine in the tub.

They fit the clinical definition of psychopathy: Lack of empathy, inability to see others as human beings equal to themselves, fire starting, bed wetting......monsters.

Thats probably because hes a douchebag.

Driverless cars arent going to do shit to ease traffic as long as drivers are on the road.

Hey, Professor Brainiac if you want something that doesnt require you to drive and eliminates ALL traffic the solution has been around for about, oh, a hundred fucking years.

Except that the issue of police brutality has been the biggest media story of 2016. Everybody in the country has already been talking about it.

And I thought I was a bitter, hate filled organism.

Next he’ll “go country” or post a seemingly innocent Tweet about wanting to take Lee Harvey Oswald to the prom.

I carry a handgun at all times in case some kind of Children of the Corn scenario starts to go down.

Pregnant and naked is not an improvement on fat and clothed.