Let me know how that visit from the Secret Service goes.

$13 billion effort to buy a new fleet of presidential helicopters in 2009.

I'm moving to Texas.

I played MIPPIIYB for my woman back then and she slapped me, got out of the van and went back to PE class.

This is a rip off of my 1992 single "May I Please Put it in Your Butt?"

"I sure hope Reagan can figure out a legal way to get those hostages back from Iran and also somehow fund the Contras, Linda!"

"My penis looks really big in her tiny, hairy hand"

"I never thought I could have this much fun on my way to a Mike and the Mechanics concert!"

I used to think Marshawn Lynch's refusal to speak with the media was hilarious. Then I thought it was funny. After that, it became mildly entertaining. Now I'm pretty much tired of it. And in a few more weeks, I'll probably strongly encourage Mr. Lynch to go and have sex with himself.

Dumbass mad at Marcus Hayes for giving him column fodder

Lynch is the perfect example of why so many people think athletes are ignorant, ungrateful assholes. It is literally part of Lynch's job description to answer simple questions, but he refuses to even do that. I'm not blind to the fact that Lynch has an irreplaceable skill, therefore meaning he's able to play by…

Aw, poor millionaire had to go to the widdle pwess confwence.

This stuff is great for getting high school girls in your van.

hahahah!!! More like a chunky Billy Bob giving that creepy Fargo look. That look where he basically makes your soul feel that he knows EVERYTHING and that you cannot mess with him.

Looks like hes headed to a tailgate party at LSU.

Tom tried to get her cell number, but whiffed when he said "Let me get your digits."

Ours still don't look like a 90's soul singer.

Yeah, look at these clowns.

Tom always was one to thumb his nose at convention. +1

Tried to think of a good comeback for that, but I am completely stumped.