I found her CDL Instructor.....

CNN’s PR instincts match their journalistic ones: turrible.

Slowed down, I spoke too fast
Mouth wrote a check my ass just cashed
Face down, I’ll hobble home
Lookin’ to run but feelin’ woozy

Preseason football is a lot like Cinemax at 3am. If you haven't seen the real thing in 7 months..... it gets the job done.

Well, it may be a loss for the Panthers and Cam, but everyone knows it means absolute zero to Kelvin.

This. The Sleep Book is a magical book. There is something in the cadence of the text and the colors in the illustrations that is like printed valium.

The Sleep Book for the win. I’ve yet to get through it as a reader or listener without several yawns.

“I’ve spoken with Native Americans across this great country. Two, in particular, really resonated with me. Their names were Tibia and Fibula from the Snapcreek Nation, and they just shattered me with their enthusiasm for the name. Absolutely cracked me up.”

Because there is a Mr Show skit for every fucked-up situation:

Why, I had a parent call me just last fall to complain about something her son heard in class. And yes, I do teach college students.

What’s wrong with these? Clean buzzcut, high and tight, no sideburns, no mistakes.

Would be hit by it.

If you're running the spread offense, I can't imagine anything more spread out that placing your players all over the country on different teams.

this is the cutest thing i've ever heard

I think it makes sense that the government would kill 27 people in a small town to prove a point about guns, but refuse to fudge numbers on a spreadsheet. They gotta draw the line somewhere.

This tournament has had nothing but garbage results thanks to garbage voters who wouldn't know good snacks from garbage. Thanks for being trash and wrong, everyone.

You might have a misunderstanding of what lobbying is. Lobbying isn't inherently evil. It's just having someone hired to talk to politicians on behalf of your cause or population.

Are you sure it wasn't Kappa Kappa Kappa?

Nail clippers and oral hygiene equipment. Obligatory Hark! A Vagrant post below:

She had her back done.