So their response to a rapidly-aging fanbase is to price out the poors and shut out the rural? Their brilliance is... staggering.

Everyone: MLB, you guys need to raise the average salary for minor leaguers.

Maybe they should sign him because, you know, he was actually prepared to play football yesterday.

Ever since the MOVE bombing, I’ve refused to buy a house in Philadelphia.

Yeah, gotta keep him from attempting the safest play imaginable and assuming he’d suffer a freak accident that has happened twice in the modern era. Totally reasonable position!

Still suffering major knee damage? Colin Kaepernick. 

Yeah need a QB like Mahones out there.... oh wait

Fun story - back when I was playing football we had an amazing O-Line. Two of the linemen went pro (I was not one of them). Our QB one day decided to yell at the 330lb future pro and call him a lazy fat fuck because the QB had fucked up his hand-off (QB took 3 steps instead of 2) and he was sacked by the other team’s…

I was just joking with a friend about how stupid bulletin board material is. I’m going to assume that everybody in the NFL is properly motivated all the time. Oh now you’re going to try to win? Before you were happy to maybe beat the spread, but now it’s personal. You’re going to chew tape angrily.

Please tell me it involves cosplay where your wife wears this outfit:

My wife and I have been looking for a spark in the bedroom, and surprisingly it was also Ryan Fitzpatrick. 

Spark

They told him to stick around, things would be good for him. Being traded to the Jets can’t really be called “good,” can it? (Source: Jet fan.)

An Allin who doesn’t cover himself in his own piss and shit while performing? Count me out

Actually, we know the questions and the answers. We’ve known them for decades. Boxing has always been a sport built on allowing the impoverished an avenue to what they perceive to be wealth and notoriety if only they will beat each other to a pulp for the entertainment of the privileged. Knowing what we know about the…

No.   But seriously why isnt amateur-style boxing headgear mandatory for pros?

Tell me he didn't refer to himself as "Croll Tide".

My son called a hail mary on every play when we got a XBox and Madden for Christmas, because it worked for him playing the mobile version against AI on it’s lowest setting. I intercepted him four times the first time I played him and my wife made me let him win after that. 

Reminds me of the Repus Bowl...

I highly doubt that. Dude went 3-1 with Garapolo/Brisset and 11-5 with Matt freaking Cassel. I think he’d be highly motivated to show what he could do without Brady.