50mph!?! That’s for children. I forgot to mention I’ve drive through hurricanes, of course, with the bricks you mention.

Do you also encounter a 50mph headwind each way? You also forgot to include the one ton of bricks you are required to have in your vehicle at all times.

As someone who drives 700 miles each way every day, up a mountain in both directions, in the snow while also simultaneously towing, this really resonates with me. EVs will never work for anyone.

No one ever believes me when I say I’m a professional assassin. It was only after I stabbed that hitman with a pen that people freaked out.

I’m not going to my reunion unless Martin Blank is there.

The big, wet boi moved the embassy to appease Evangelicals. The move was necessary as part of their Dungeons & Dragons End Times script.

I once called into work saying I was taking a personal day, and when our receptionist said no problem and casually asked what I was planning I just laughed and said “That’s personal” and hung up. The next morning I found it had become a whole thing in the office, with some light hearted inquiries plus some not so…

Yup, I randomly saw a video Vice posted on YouTube covering gay and trans Trump supporters and it’s like an episode of the Twilight Zone come to life.

Just cuz they got a badge don’t mean they’re not a criminal.

There are two reasons why people are against moving to a popular vote.

It’s amazing how they think that educated, successful taxpayers in New York and California are somehow more vulgar than ignorant, white supremacist Nazis in the meth labs of fly over country.

WHY can’t this fucker stroke out already? WHY!? I mean we’re all trying to piss him off so much he will...

Stop Burying Your Pets in the Backyard:
They deserve a viking funeral in your neighbor’s pool and you know it!

This is me and my family taking care of the hamster

It’s a little-known fact that Rodgers has been estranged from his family because of their consistent misuse of their, they’re, and there. This firing is simply an extension of his disdain to the coaching staff.

They’re, their, Coach Moss. You’ll be back on your feet in no time

“Ponder this...what great marriages have is sexual variety! Period! It’s not the equal burden-sharing at home trend, it’s not the fidelity trend. Find someone that is going to let me have unprotected, random sex! Period! #monogamysucks!”

“My fiancée has informed me that sheez letting me go. #thankstwitter!”

“Good point” shouts an old, white (and tech savvy) Democrat.

It started with the Gulf War, when all the hippy boomers wanted to make up for spitting on vets coming back from Vietnam and wash their sins away.