1. Put it on the Switch.

The freaking Hobbit.

michelle obama sure seemed to think the position had responsibilities, and i, for one, thank her for her herculean efforts.

In other news, water is wet.

This makes me sad. People who hate Brussels sprouts have just had bad Brussels sprouts. Oven roast them until they taste like popcorn, salt them, add a little balsamic, and they’re fantastic.

He’d be so much prettier if he smiled more.

Stop blaming shit on my generation. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some avocado toast to eat.

Because boring, ignorant people saw “3 hour movie with thinking” and went “Naahhh, I’d rather watch Transformers 4 again.”

I wonder if it’s because this is a beautiful sequel that nobody asked for. I know that I didn’t go to see it simply because I’m satisfied with the Blade Runner I know (and all its 100 different editions) and i didn’t need a follow-up.

Bloody Mary mix counts, though, right? Yeah, I’m not going to question it, everything’s fine.

“But parents today have no idea what polio was like, so it’s hard to convince somebody that lives are at risk if they don’t vaccinate.”

This is like eating a mediocre chicken sandwich at a restaurant and then demanding you also be allowed to eat the beaks and feathers.

Why are we constantly on their minds? Can’t they even have “fun” without thinking about how much more fun we must be having in their absence? These dumbasses really should have a convo about why they feel saying “fuck niggers” among themselves makes them cooler instead of cowardly.

Obviously a Decepticon...

Replying to myself to make clear that I’m not an idiot, I am aware he made a complete fool out of himself. I’m asking about the fish. I am aware that my questions aren’t relevant or “the point”, so no need for multiple people to point that out.

Hi Kevin!
I remember I caught a ball in gym. Once. I was so stunned, I didn’t know what to do with it and I completely overshot the guy I was supposed to throw it to. Calvin and Hobbes was a big deal for me in the 80s, since his experiences mirrored my own so horribly well. I still hate sports. And team activities...…

Where do I send my money?

Oh. My. Goddess. These “artificial scarcity” morons are infuriating. The Switch is outselling literally everything else out there, production has been more than doubled beyond initial estimates, consumers are buying more than can possibly be produced, the Big N released it during a slow time of the year specifically…

Take the time he posted it and review what was being broadcast on Fox for the preceding 20 minutes. The answer’s in there somewhere. It always is.

Church goers are racist hypocrites. What a shock!