Perez Hilton can try to rebrand or grasp relevancy all he wants, but let’s never4get his roots....

Guh! My first candle party was also with a fellow swim team member. She was my BFF so I spent like $30 and vowed from that day on to never, EVER go to another one of those parties again.

Is this where we can dish about “internet famous” people we know? Because one woman I know is amazing and totally deserves the following/attention she gets but the rest are all either completely socially inept in person or fakey fakey fakers who are miserable humans.

Wanting someone to love =/= needy. Wanting someone to love you back, you know, just once isn’t needy either. I’d say it’s pretty goddamn human.

I’m just here for the foot fetish. Free footrubs for life!*


*with minor other things we won’t go into....

“Whoever wrote this storyline for her has definitely been there. I’ve never seen anything more authentic.”

Same with the “Stupid Piece of Shit” episode. Having fought with my own version of alcoholism for many, many years it was obvious to me that whoever wrote that episode has definitely been through the same…

“...please (1) not extend the pop-up beyond its 6 week run ending in September, and (2) reach out to us for permission if you plan to do something like this again.”

As someone who used to make a lot of “inspired fan art,” that’s pretty much the most ideal Cease & Desist one could hope for.

LW1:
Email all 30 guests 1 week before wedding dinner to reiterate that the restaurant cannot handle children, NO EXCEPTIONS. This is enough time to make proper arrangements, blah blah blah.

Then when (because we all know it’s not an “if”) she shows up with kids, you just shrug and say “I’m sorry, that’s why we sent out…

Hi. I’m late to the game but as a Xennial, here’s my take:
It’s because apartments are no longer dog/cat friendly. When I got my dog at 21, dog-friendly apartments were plentiful. Fast forward a decade, when my dog was 10 and I was 31 (with excellent credit, a great job, a grown-ass adult), I COULD NOT find a dog…

Bless my mother for establishing this blanket rule:
“If a teacher/coach asks you to do something you’re not comfortable with, don’t do it and I will 100% back you up if you get in trouble.”

I used it once when my swim coach tried to punish me via embarrassment by making me jog around all 6 little league fields barefoot…

Counterpoint: Leave the shades open but keep all the lights off (obvs works for nighttime romps only)

Hey look, I found a picture of his sister...

/Wag the Dog reference for all you yungins who were infants when the movie came out....

I know people who have bought mobile homes and tried to tell the world they’re “tiny homes.” It’s a weird class distinction and I don’t like it.

Well now I feel totally selfish! >.<

I guess I could quietly make donations to whoever I wanted from the revenue from all my rental properties (and still tell the wave of moochers that the money is all spent)

Can we start a Lottery What Would You Do?

...because on a jackpot this size, I would give 1/6 to my mother*, 1/6 to my sister*, split 1/6 equally between the rest of the misc family members and then sink ALL the rest into real estate. That way, if anyone ever tried to call for money, I could be like “Nope, sorry. Y’all…

Honestly, the only way I got through chemo + radiation was to pretend I was on Fear Factor.

“Oh, you’re going to essentially put a velcro straight jacket on me and have me lay motionless in a tiny little tube for 45 minutes? Challenge accepted, Joe Rogan.” 

“Oh, now you’re going to put my head in a mesh cage and screw…

That’s pretty much what’s happening to Danny Brito. He designed a patch, someone on Alibaba (or the like) ripped it off, and now a bunch of retailers are unknowingly carrying the rip off because they were able to buy it super cheap.

I LITERALLY just commented about Stephen King novels + the booger plague. I checked out every single one of his books from the library and there was always a booger or two smushed in there!

But does it clean all the boogers out of the Stephen King novels?