That little girl’s whiny-fuck voice is causing me to celebrate my hysterectomy.

just cuddle it?

To be fair, tho, how hard is it to get a goddamned bowl of porridge the right temperature?

Give me the numbers to your cellular phone.

I don't understand why people hate titties so much. I don't care who's they are or what they look like, I love em. If you have em, I'm looking. I'm talking to you too grandma.

Dammit ladies, I’ve been defending your rights to paint your nibs and show them to all the tourists, don’t make me hate you! I hate to break it to you, sweetie, they don’t stay perky forever and those tips will start to dry up. I hope you have a financial backup plan.

Your obsession with throwing constant shade at Ed Sheeran is pretty weird.

Did this guy pee in your wheaties or something? I had never even heard a song by him until he opened for The Rolling Stones. And he sounded great. And his beast of burden duet with Jagger was fantastic.

I don’t get why you have it out for this guy. Yeah, he’s annoying, but he’s just a kid. And he’s a great singer/songwriter. Leave him alone.

I... kinda like him?

Because cake is fucking awesome, that's why.

to be fair, it was a dumb “buzz-y” way to make her point