I somehow knew even before checking Google that this guy went to Duke.

This is not new problem, no?

Rockets historically don’t perform well when confronted with a Challenger.

This is why I don’t dunk. This right here.

In a REAL AMURICAN sport an ‘independent’ neurologist would take him into the tent, call him a pussy, hit him with a toradol shot, and tell him to get back in the fucking game.

Well he didn’t go into a weird tent on the sideline so I don’t know how they could possibly know if he had been concussed or not, so they should probably have just thrown him right back into the game.

Antonio Brown is basically a cheat code at this point.

Why on earth would anyone have sympathy for Tonya Harding?

But he’s a black man! Everyone knows they get no sympathy! Sympathy is only for white women

You get sympathy right up until you have some meathead kneecap someone.

None.

None. Next question.

An alternate take from a Pirates fan:

Lindsey: Someone Please Turn The Hot Stove Back On, The Stove Is Very Cold

Two phony rocket attacks in one week.

Or, you know, a real doctor/physical therapist.

In Kentucky people normally take advantage of sleepy Cousins.

I hate to say this, but I think I agree with this take.

The Eagles defense is fantastic, but this needs to be reiterated: after leaving USC in disgrace, Sarkisian managed not to fuck up Alabama’s offense for one year, and was hired by a team fresh off of a Super Bowl appearance with a top offense, the league MVP and no key offensive skill position losses. Under his watch,…

Not wanting it to go to waste, I did a quarter ounce of cocaine, fucked my wife’s sister like I’ve always wanted to, called my boss and called him an old bald cocksucker, then burned my house down for fun.