Colorado Springs has roads that were designed by developers. Developers think everyone wants to drive on a winding road, with the frustrating result that the roads don’t go anywhere. The only place I’ve seen more confusing roads are in medieval towns, where roads were made on top of goat paths. I’ve been in areas here …

(they still sell them!)

The version of “no” that begins with the letter “F”

The Jetta. What was once an attractive and unique silhouette today just says “car”.

My first thought was the Forester (my wife had a manual, and it was a great car), but the Renegade is a good thought as well.  I have an illogical love for Renegades, despite thinking the wheels always look one size too small.

I was racing to be the first, but like Racer X I’ll have to settle for second place

When I was a kid growing up in Wisconsin, the coolest job in the world was snow plow driver. They’d come racing down our street at 70 mph pushing a perfect pipeline curl of snow. Now you’ve informed me it’s not 70 mph, it’s 25.  

I raced on a Slingshot for a couple of years. Neat party trick was mine folded...detach the cable and there was a piece at the top tube/seat tube juncture that allowed the seat tube to rotate. I can’t picture it exactly anymore, but it was a cool feature I used exactly once.

Don’t the fords have a feature that when you let off the clutch without using the accelerator the engine revs a bit on its own?  Seems like that would be the car to teach stick on.

My wife had a Fox. Probably the only car I’ve ever driven that’s had EVERY SINGLE part on it replaced.

I just assumed he used it because it was paid off

I taught my daughter in my GTI, but I think I made the job harder on myself.  The first time she stalled it I said “you killed the engine”.  She thought I meant she’d destroyed the engine and started to panic

Truth to power, but I feel like the author should dye his hair, and maybe grow a mustache.

I spent most of my life waiting for the day these big, dumb, inefficient rectangles would go away.  

The Subaru dealer in Colorado Springs...we’ve bought or leased four cars there, and twice (TWICE!) I had the sales guy say “look, it’s just a car. I’ll sell it to you if you want, but if I was you I would just hold onto what you’ve got.  Don’t bury yourselves in payments”.  

We’ve had two Foresters, one had a six-speed manual and the other the XT with the turbo. In each we got very close to 30 mpg, could fit all of our stuff, each was a fairly comfortable place to sit, and each (at the time) cost under 30 grand. On paper the Forester is the perfect vehicle.

300k in a Fiesta says more about your durability than the car’s

I wish I could give you more stars for teaching me the phrase “wiener whistle”

No, vegetarian hotdogs are  a thing, and true to form they’re made of the lips and assholes of the vegetables

As a kid it was this.  As an adult I’d probably look for the Morningstar Farms vegetarian version of this.