I miss Alan Rickman. His voice was just. so. gorgeous.

“chicken tasted like a piece of whole-wheat toast covered with a thin layer of Pantene shampoo and conditioner.”

That’s Peter King. I know, because he is MY idiot, thank you very much.

Eh, their spastic colons might get them first.

I have worked in grocery and dept stores for about 35 years now and NO ONE has a policy that says store personnel are supposed to tackle alleged shoplifters—because, you know, ‘alleged’? As in, someone other than you gets to make that decision?

Rooo, as usual, I could not agree with you more. As one of my old bosses used to say, Ivanka would have to look up to see pond scum.

Look at Ivanka, accessorizing that outfit with some file folders like she is Under Secretary of Commerce Barbie (tm).

I live in Hoboken, NJ, and I am the go-to person to teach ANYONE—ANYONE, including my mother—how to parallel park. Skip that automatic shit, I can do it with my eyes closed myself after 30 years of owning a car here.

Beth, I see you tried Trader Joe’s sunscreen. Right now, I am banging the drum for their cleansing oil, esp for winter in the Northeast. I take it off with a warm, wet washcloth (Target’s finest!) and it really has kept my skin from flaking off, the way it usually does. It’s $5.99/bottle, I believe.

The funny thing is that I have recently realized that Noxzema, which I have used since I was about 12 (I am 60 now), is actually a cleansing oil. It’s got tons of oils in it and it really does work.

At 5, my nephew became obsessed with cooking shows. This is GOOD NEWS.

I came here to say this. Yes, their revenue has declined but it takes the kind of back-breaking debt that only an LBO can provide to really, REALLY fuck up a retailer.

I love Werther’s but I may never have one again.

I saw a headline the other day that read: Florida Legislature Defies NRA on Legislation. A fucking government body of elected officials is DEFYING a lobby? What the ever loving fuck have we come to? The language just about killed me.

If you think you need an AR-13 or and AK-47 in order to have your 2nd Amendment rights, You Are Doing It Wrong.

We went through something similar to this with my father-in-law—it turned out that his blood-pressure meds needed to be adjusted since they were basically maintaining his bp at a level so LOW that there was not enough blood flow to his brain.

This is a great example of how bullshit marketing language migrates into private conversation. I worked in marketing and half the time had to ask my boss what she actually wanted DONE because after she was over her vision, her obsession, her laser focus on customers, her using data to provide INSIGHTS, there wasn’t…

It’s a very elegant portmanteau word, really.

I bet one of those people has lice and they all end up with it.

I remember that expression from one of the Bridget Jones books—is it a thing?