Her racism and homophobia just haven't endured her to me.

OPEN WIDE!!!

Yum! What a vintage.

Yeah, I will most definitely be purchasing this.

“Yeah, that’s not cool,” said Professor Funkelschlotz.

I am not a hookup person. The story that follows was made possible by a combination of extraordinary factors, leading to a story that has become a legend in my circle of friends.

Back in the 80s, a friend from college invited me to be her bridesmaid. We lived hundreds of miles from each other, and had only exchanged brief letters in the years since graduation. I shouldn’t have accepted, but I thought it would be fun to see her and the people we used to hang out with.

In some other timeline where I didn’t step in, my friend might have had a good crazy wedding hookup story to contribute. She and a super hot (although in retrospect maybe he was just British) groomsman were drunkenly making out a bunch at the reception, and as we were about to leave, he was definitely insinuating that…

This is not my story. I was merely an observer on this crazy wedding hook-up ride.

It’s pretty rich of her to construe a homeland security dude doing his job as “trying to get his 15 minutes” considering she hitched her wagon to an aging alcoholic superstar and hasn’t looked back since.

I still say jack/jerk off or get myself off. I really don't need a girl version for this term. I am literally never ever going to use “Klittra”. Shit sounds like some sorceress from Conan the Barbarian or Caligula.

I’m sticking with wank. It’s a good solid English word & I am bringing it back for the womenfolk! LOL.

Speed Holes!

we can appreciate humor and a good article. Its not like they could use an actual circumcision gif. womp womp :(

Yes! It means “Ew, gross, she can walk in them without breaking anything. Does she even care about my boner?”

PENDING APPROVALjpeayMadeleine Davies

Grinning and conspiratorial, all kinetic limbs and generous laughter,

Real talk, I dance just like that dude in the wet suit.

You are supposed to say something self effacing like "But i have much better taste in partners' than she does" and then we'd be like "OH YOU."