[Bill Murray drains pool, picks up Baby Ruth and eats it]

1901 - Trapeze Disrobing Act (Edwin S. Porter)
1902 - A Trip To The Moon (Georges Méliès)
1903 - What Happened in the Tunnel (Edwin S. Porter)
1904 - Chased by Dogs, (Alf Collins)
1905 - Baby's Toilet (Cecil Hepworth)

Pope Francis: I guess I should've used protection!

…cat shit and anilingus, along with all the guns, tits, and F-bombs…

I got a Gong Show notification for this?

I thought that Tim Allen (aka Tim Dick) and Andy Dick were cousins, and known in Hollywood as The Dicks!

Malaysia's really gonna be mad when they find out Power Ranger was once a product name
for battery powered dildos

Now that the Bears have won the Super Bowl, you kids are probably saying to yourself, "Now, I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna get the world by the tail, and wrap it around and put it in my pocket!!" Well, I'm here to tell you that you're probably gonna find out, as you go out there, that you're not gonna amount to Jack…

All I think of is that they included the Weezer video for "Buddy Holly" with Windows 95, and how excited people were to watch it on a tiny little window on their PC, like a primitive version of YouTube…

Nancy, just wanted to pass the baton wish you good luck…
Just remember this isn't easy, it's pretty harding hard…

"We were printing 3-D cheese when the whole thing exploded…
there was de brie everywhere!"

You don't know the kids on my street

Every time I read a political article on the AV Club, I'm already reading about The Idiot

I'm not a computer man, I'm a COMPUTER, man
Let me handle my business, damn!

This town needs an enema!

Sean Spicer: Don't tell me what tie to wear, buddy.

On an unusually wet and windy evening in Los Angeles, Matthew McConaughey shows up at my door with a heavy bag of groceries. We’ve decided that tonight’s dinner will be a sort of tribute to the after-church Sunday barbecues he remembers from his Texan childhood. I already have chicken simmering in green salsa, poblano…

"She turned into Tormund Giantsbane so gradually, I didn't even notice!"

So if you want real beer, you have two choices:
A - the state-run liquor store.
You see, you can buy regular beer here.
There are all of three stores in Salt Lake City to buy it.
And their hours suck. Oppression.
Also, these were the only places to buy any alcohol outside of private clubs.
Who can afford…

Adobe PhotoShop software programmer: Holy Shit! I knew our program was pretty good… but I didn't know it was this good!