Careful, Alex. Drawing attention to someone’s smoky eye makeup is considered a hate crime in some quarters these days.

Take me out to dinner on Friday night, you can have a bust from mine.

“Twenty appointees...that’s nine and eleven!”

Found the asshole who plays politics with his manager, thinking he’s being sly, then wonders why no one says goodbye when he’s inevitably fired.

Be bold! Don’t use these weasel words like hypothetical and probably - you want to be known as a chicken who waffles?

De’Aaron means “of Aaron”

They should have had Bill Callahan’s son present him the medal.

“By the way, if you find yourself in need of a quick mustache, feral dogs shed like crazy. If you can find their dens under a freeway overpass or in a storm drain, there’s more than enough hair to re-cover your upper lip. Just grab some dog hair, a little used chewing gum, and BAM!, instant mustache. Be careful,…

When reached for comment, a heated LSU head coach Ed Orgeron said the following:

Wow, that sounds inviting: St. Louis in the dead of summer, Lance Berkman, and a stadium full of passionate Christians.

“Flat Earther Does Something Dumb.”

“You know what I like.”

When McEnroe first heard the news that Navratilova had announced she was gay, he was heard to yell, “OF COURSE SHE’S OUT! USE YOUR FUCKING EYES, ARE YOU BLIND? HOW COULD YOU SAY SHE WASN’T OUT WHEN SHE WAS CLEARLY OUT?!?!”

All these guys acting like a good backup QB is a bad thing now instead of a luxury every team wishes for. I’m sure Oakland was stoked to start Connor Cook in the playoffs. Good thing they signed EJ Manuel so they never get embarrassed like that again!

v. excited to watch the broncos miss the playoffs again with an all-time defense. or the Steelers lose home field because of the 2 games Landry Jones has to play.

There’s a typo in your article. You forgot an “O” in “doomed” in the second paragraph.

So basically she's become an NBA fan.