I think the solution is pretty simple. The winner of the draft also has to take Dwight Howard.

Wait...is this dude named after Penny? How fucking old am I?

I’m sorry, but here at Kentucky we only accept students responsible enough to maintain a reasonable phone charge. Tweeting at 6% battery means you don’t have fully developed risk assessment, and we simply can’t assume that kind of liability.

I vote for refs explaining in full detail “taunting” and “unsportsmanlike conduct” penalties.

...yes, the air quality in Cleveland ranks as one of the nation’s most polluted.

So, Sam Presti is some kind of literal wizard, right? He’s simultaneously added Paul George and Carmelo Anthony while also dumping the two worst contracts and keeping the few good players he started with. None of it makes any sense.

“This is why you play the triangle.”

That’s a beautiful story, thank you.
I can imagine Kobe’s post game shouting match at Dwight:
“You’re either shit on the line, or golden. How the hell are you a 24 Carat piece of shit?”

Thank you for clarifying the otherwise mysterious ESPN crawl mention “Alex Gordon breaks all-time MLB home run record.” I was wondering if the Royals game had somehow gone 1,224 innings.

Bob Dole agrees.

I think it’s pretty clear that Durant is just more comfortable being the third person.

True story: All the Deadspin writers are really Drew Magary sock puppets. That pic of Tom up there? Just Drew with a beard and glasses.

“It was childish and idiotic and I would’ve kept doing it forever if I hadn’t got caught.”

The real reason KD went to the Warriors: He realized he’d made enough money in his career that he could almost afford to live in San Francisco comfortably

He pulled a Skip Bayless

Well, on the one hand, they did eliminate 4 in 5s and lower back-to-backs. On the other hand, this means we’ll never see the greatest DNP of all time again.

I want Carson back!

It’s fine. QOTSA are indie Nickelback. Aggressively bland.