Wrong, you found the guy who can't quite break into the security guard game.

Who’s going to win Most Handsome and Humble Commenter this year? Seems like only a year ago I beat you ugly fuckers. 

Gruden face level:

A snowflake alone is delicate, but when the snowflakes outnumber you, they form a mighty snowMAN, Mr. Gundy.  And the snowman was originally born a snowwoman, but the toxic liberalism that you so fear has turned her into a mountain of ice and brawn!!  Kneel before the snowman, you baby boomer bitch, and feel the icy…

I remember when Michaele Salahi spent eight hours at a DC salon before she crashed a state dinner. I still want to know what she did for those eight hours.

Accessory A.

She wasn’t humiliated —

Kyrie said while they hadn’t talked dollars and cents yet he declared, “as sure Ra travels the sky in his sun boat every day, I’ll be in Boston next year.”

Orca Bay chairman Stan Mcammon couldn’t live with a verbal agreement overnight and forced Canucks GM Pat Quinn to call up the player who agreed to sign and demand to complete the paperwork that night, causing the deal to fall through.

[even dumber voice] “I bet you are like sooooooooooooooooooooo cool in real life, aren’t you? Do you distill you own whiskey or vodka?”

[in a real stupid voice] “When you choose to play in the NFL, you are choosing all the risks that go with the reward of being on the biggest (American) football stage in the world.”

Guys, I don’t want to rock the boat or make unfounded accusations. But I don’t think the owners care very much about the players in this league.

Maybe game to game, but it smoothes out a lot more over 162 than it does over 16.

As the Eagles fall, Gritty rises 

Oh, well, that makes up for it then. 

Hanjob's Razor?

*in an inexplicably continued rigor mortis, both thumbs are up*.

*48 hours later, a bloated corpse washes ashore, obvious signs of suicide. The man is only identifiable by his striped polo featured on an amateur chopped episode*

Was he swimming in the fucking pool from Cocoon?