The pages also double as toilet paper. That’s the advantage over electronic books.

Beef on Weck on Johnson.

Here’s the true answer: Every single Toad that puts on the specific princess crown can and will turn into Peach. Why do you think there’s a Toad at the end of every castle in the NES Mario? The crown is passed around as a means to manipulate Mario into “liberating” castles all over the mushroom kingdom. When the Toad…

Why do you hate the troops?

I’m still paying off my most recent visit to Whole Foods … or as I like to call it, Whole Paycheck.

I think that’s something that needs to be shared with the class, not to mention campus police and the administration (not that either of them is likely to be any more helpful than IT was). But he literally advocated for mass murder. The women in the class should know there’s a threat in their midst.

Cheers to Lauren and Laura for 1. calling this asshole out and 2. being able to publicly laugh it off.

Sure lots of snakes don’t have arms or legs traditionally. But this one is an adder. 

Nothing to see hear

His name sounds like your accountant who seems too young to be trusted.

Absolutely. I mean look, I’m a Mets fan thus I know plenty about anger, disappointment and rage. But at some point in your life you have to realize that as much as it might mean to you it’s really just games on TV and nothing more. Violently storming around your home and terrorizing your family isn’t funny, it’s the…

I have a coworker who gets made at the word “utilize” because “it’s just a fancy-sounding way of saying use.”

[takes a hit of meth]

This woman is the fucking Hercule Poirot of wives. She led you right into the very spot she wanted you to be all along!

The fact that it looks like the photo was taken on a Polaroid camera...

+1 New Vegas Raider

+1 Rad per second

Most accurate comparison for that man’s appearance that I’ve seen yet.  +1

And dudes from Naperville to scream out “FAGGOT” when they drive through Boystown.

To fight the bug, we must understand the bug. We can ill afford another Klendathu.