I do not like this Smashing Pumpkins reunion tour.

I refuse to believe that Larry Fedora is an actual name and not substantive evidence of the shared simulation we call reality breaking down.

You really don’t know what you’re talking about, but rather than start some sort of internet battle, let me try to help educate you on this particular topic:

many fine people on both sides, both sides.

A Bryan Goldberg machine is a device designed to perform a simple task incorrectly.

Well... I mean... it’s technically true that it’s not a racist dog-whistle if you outright say a racist slur.

[FARTS]

Virginia? It’s been trending blue.

We needs to push Virginia on this. One more state to go.

It will be 15% quicker. The Tesla’s lap is measured as the distance between the start line and the point where the car enters limp mode. So you see, Tesla’s engineers have devised a clever way to make a shorter lap possible. This company consistently finds ways to innovate.

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

>Brooklyn nine nine

And it spells Dan Ackroyd. Weird.

In my first semester of university I thought I had finished all my exams until I realized I had still one final exam the next morning (or in 3 hours, depending on how you see it). I had the choice between sleeping 2 hours or last minute cramming. I chose sleep and got the second best score.

Deadspin sure likes to talk a big game and get on its high horse but deep down you know they’re just jealous of the way Barstool has disrupted the online game by...*checks notes* having pictures of girls in bikinis.

Maam, you come to Chicago and I’ll flip your car if any of my teams score a single point.

Somewhere on Breitbart or Fox News or the NY Post, one of the many right-wing “the NFL is bad now because of liberals” writers is busy cooking up some sort of pizza-based pun, actual brand involved be damned:

You’ve never touched a woman, have you?