Did you also spend your teenage years pretending to be a famous pop music star?

Garlic in the vagina is a bad idea for a number of reasons. It might even inspire your partner to come to bed with a cruet of olive oil and a bit if Parmigiano Reggiano in an attempt to make some sort of weird pudenda aglio e olio and we can’t have that.

So glad I’m not a parent. I don’t think I’d have the patience for all this handwringing over formula. The idea that supplementing a kid’s diet with formula every now and then is cause for great upset is bafflingly ridiculous. Unless the baby is allergic to soy or someone other ingredient or if you live in an area…

I would love a downvote feature. I also think they should penalize people for rapidly following/unfollowing people the way they do with people that use “banned hashtags.”

I assume they’re talking about Kylo.

I wish the aliens from xenomorph were real so that we could impregnate every single person against safe legal abortion with the alien baby and make them carry that shit to term till it tears out their fucking chests.

i just found out a few weeks ago that i am very unexpectedly pregnant. i took the test the same day i first suspected anything. the following day i was at exactly 7 weeks.

I have worked in inner city public education for over a decade. I couldn’t care less about this Varsity Blues scandal. What the parents did is wrong and all that.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I do not mean to excuse it in any way. But why these particular people and why now? It seems like they want us to be focussed on this so much, like look at this media grabbing thing, so we don’t look elsewhere? I don’t know. 

This whole college scandal thing sort of baffles me. 1. It’s been going on basically since colleges have existed (not saying it’s right, but why are people surprised?) 2. Why is law enforcement going after them so hard, while banks can defraud their customers, corporations can actually kill people from negligence, and…

As we all know, 19 is far too late to start over, especially if you’re rich and beautiful.

I’m trying not to take this personally but I own that sweater. 

You’re puttin’ a lot of pressure on me.

“Mummy, you’ve destroyed my life! I shan’t speak to you ever again! Now....give me this week’s sack of money immediately!”

It would be awesome if they went to the same prison, then joined different gangs and both worked their way to the top of said gangs. Then they have to fight it out for total jail boss supremacy, which ultimately leads to a shank knife fight in the court yard encircled by the rival said gangs, which at that point a…

My guest list was still shifting within two or three days of the wedding. My husband’s nephew was bringing his girlfriend, then he wasn’t, then he was, then he was bringing a friend instead. I changed the seating chart at least three times.

He ended up bringing a friend who neither of us knew. They all showed up in…

I ate an entire orange and raisin pannetone myself and dropped the biggest Shvartzapel you’ve ever seen.

Maybe it’s just because I’m an old, but I don’t think any of these influencers (gag) look fresh-faced: they all look like they’re 10 years older trying to look their actual age. (Does that make sense? She looks like she’s late 20's/early 30's trying to look 20.) It’s weird. Maybe it’s the crazy contouring or filters…

I know! And not everyone has a cousin Kevin. Like does this “journalist” think that we all just go around talking to “cousin Kevins”? WTF! The Kevin I’m related to is my uncle, not my cousin, and uncle Kevin is a farmer, not an accountant. Some people aren’t even related to a Kevin at all. Some people don’t even have…

This is a huge reach. For many families (mine included, and we are by no means religious) ham is something you eat around Christmastime. The sentence is constructed more to set up a stereotypical Christmas experience rather than send up the dietary preferences of them.