If Le’Veon Bell returned to the Steelers, played on the franchise tag, and broke his leg, the team would be okay with letting him walk after the season

“tripods are not allowed in the seating areas.”

Pretty good strategy, really. Down by one, 30 seconds to go, and a referee gets involved while you stalk around and shout at your opponent.

[dramatic pause]

After all, this strategy won Trump the election.

[deflating horns]

YES! My husband understands the tweezers hierarchy as:
1. The GOOD tweezers. MY tweezers. They were hand milled in England and were designed to put together dollhouse miniatures. I won’t even tell him where they are.
2. The back-up good tweezers that have been lost for 6 months but I still hold out hope they can be…

 no one Vikes that

“let’s plague two!”

Cheers to Lauren and Laura for 1. calling this asshole out and 2. being able to publicly laugh it off.

You should have thought of that before you decided to be the standard which airlines use to torture me.

Fireman! (Aah-aah-Ed)
Fighter of the G-Men (Aah-aah-aah)
Champion of None (Aah-aah-aah)
You’re a master of nothing
and bad drafts
for everyone!

I thought it was weird right after Lee’s pick-6 when Stafford ran over to the ref and started shouting, “I have a daughter!”

You’d think a hardscrabble, no-nonsense, blue collar town wouldn’t just throw away perfectly good batteries. 

This Rod Allen, involved a physical altercation? NEVER! (God Bless Yakety Sax)

Shohei Ohtani Finally Smashed A Dinger Off A Lefty To Own The Libs 

Did he at least make the Patriots pay for the wall?

-urns

Irony: labeling a twitter video of Lane Kiffin “Earned not given.”

I’ll admit. I’d be totally willing to forgive Durkin if he had a list of things that players were barred from doing and called it Durkin DoNots

joins Kobe, starts looking for his own shot WHAT A SURPRISE

It’s truly remarkable how the Warriors haven’t cut his deadweight ass by now, with his lack of athleticism and all.  Maybe he could play a little in garbage time for the Knicks.  Except maybe not, since that would mean playing all 48 minutes a game.

Love to do crimes with my good buddy Paul. “Paul the Criminal” we used to call him. Sharp dresser. Fucking loves rugs. Good guy to do crimes with. If I regret anything, it would not be the crimes, but the fact that Paul and I were so bad at editing PDFs.