A cranky old-timer complaining about the modern game? What are the odds?

Just say “bill it to this guy, who is me”?

I assume it was because by that point all the pitchers on the roster had retired to the locker room to eat fried chicken?

One thing's clear. That kid is the worst person to ever attend the University of Pennsylvania.

And Tebow said, “With the hamate bone of an ass have I been struck out by a thousand men.”

*reads headline*

Looks like Papa John’s just found their new spokesman.

“Dave Thomas called homos “fairies” for years, and I’m the one getting in trouble here?! Where I grew up, if you had a queer kid on your block you would just tie them to the back of a pick up truck and have us a good ole fashioned fa-”

Agreed. Now if only she could get “de jure” and “du jour” straight.

I’m sick of people acting like signing Boogie is some sort of fat accompli. I meant ‘fat.’

“de jure” being misused in that way makes my lawyer butt itch

Trump: We’re so proud to have the most patriotic, the most up standing, the best rep-
Smith: *Rips microphone from Trump’s hands* You tryin’ to get the pipe?!
*Audience cheers*

The Warriors or Cavs (ha) should say “damn, we were going to come.” Then Trump will be all like “These young men are patriots. Invite is back on.” Then the Warriors or Cavs should just send a shirtless JR Smith to dribble out the rest of the term.

“No, Mr. Bettman, they were saying Booooo-bs.”

Serves those bandwagon Las Vegas fans right. 5 years ago I bet most of them didn’t even know Vegas had a team.

I know things look promising right now, but Caps fans know there’s still an opportunity to blow this.

♫ God bless America... land that I luff... dah dah dah dah, hmm hmm hmm, to the thing with the thing over there. Hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm prairies, hey Melania, is that snow? God bless America... la la la no. ♫

Three MLB games? I thought the doubleheader was against the Orioles.

Shaq’s eyes lit up like Christmas lights when he saw this play.

Nah. God help me, but I was really really good at golf growing up, and I preferred it to hockey and baseball because you could be high as a kite while playing on the high school golf team. So anyway, as a young pup I played a ton of tournament golf. Here’s what actually happened, if it ever gets out of the grays....