This is a stupid take. If everyone was “over” PED’s, Peyton wouldn’t have gone to DefCon 1 in his response. Methinks he doth protest too much. [Yes, I know; it should be “I thinks.”] The fact that Burneko and the cynics of Deadspin are tired of talking about PED’s doesn’t make it true of everyone else. In his…

Pretty sure my grandma is not going to go for the episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm in which Larry accuses Richard Lewis’ nurse of stealing an autographed baseball by hiding it in her abnormally large vagina.

For a lawyer, you’re not very good at reading. The question about the “disclaimer” on the back of a truck didn’t say that all truckers were assholes, or even that the driver of the truck was an asshole. It asked if such a bullshit disclaimer meant that the owner of the truck-hauling company was an asshole. Hence the…

“Lisa, I’d like to buy your rock.”

And to answer Drew’s problem with the refrigerated (real) maple syrup, you simply pour out the needed amount of syrup into a Pyrex container and microwave that shit until you have warm/hot maple syrup that will make your made-from-scratch buttermilk pancakes or waffles even more delicious. Eggo waffles are for…

NFL GM: “What are these rumors I’m hearing from Adam Schefter about those division fuckers poisoning us with iocaine powder? Inconceivable! We gotta start building up an immunity to that shit.”

I once had a player on a team I coached say to me, in all seriousness, "I'm not a bigot. I just hate fags." Another player replied, "Actually, man, that's the very definition of a bigot."

Is the government prosecuting him for his statements? That would be a violation of free speech. To call out his statements as ignorant and vile is not a violation of his right to free speech. The First Amendment does not immunize anyone against criticism, or social disapproval. He's free to say as much hateful…

Um...the Warriors did outscore the Mavs by 31 points over the last three quarters, right? That's kind of an ass-kicking.

It's called schadenfreude.

Also, when I played pickup and had a Kobe on my team, we might have won more games but it sure as hell wasn't any fun. All I got to do was play defense, inbound the ball, and then watch him throw up 3's while double-teamed when I was wide-open under the basket. I'd rather be involved, even if that meant losing…

The point about the '86 Celtics or '14 Spurs is not that they won but that the basketball they played was beautiful to watch because they played as a team and they didn't have one selfish gunner jacking up 37 shots per game, clanging 22 of them, and then acting like he just set the world on fire. Even though Kobe's…

The main reason I started hating Kobe is that he took—and missed—so many bad shots. He is this all-time king of jacking up ridiculous, long, contested, stupid shots. If he were on your pickup team you would be screaming for him to pass the fucking ball for once in his godforsaken life. Even though he made more of…

Except he butchered the joke. Racist Mississippians were heartbroken when the schools were desegregated. They were perfectly happy when they were segregated.

It's a terrifically dramatic and suspenseful show, in part because you don't know if the series will be a one-off or will continue, and in part because the creative team behind it is willing to take lots of chances, so you never really know how things are going to turn out. It is entirely within the realm of…

Holy shit is that wrong. Read "Orientalism" by the great Palestinian scholar Edward Said.

Boston Chicken used to be good; marinated, juicy, tender. Now Boston Market is like eating a Hungry Man dinner. Homer Simpson: "I didn't know they still made frozen dinners this bad..."

there's this thing called the Internet, where you can check facts and stuff, and learn that a 1 point safety is called a rouge. Sure that's also a word for a kind of makeup, but funny enough some words have more than one meaning! Turns out this 'rouge' word also means 'red' in French. Looking these things up can…

"Peener and veggies"

Actually, the 72 year old man charged Martinez and attempted to assault him. Pedro just threw him to the ground in self-defense.