Oh, uh, it's the pleats... the pleats in the pants. It's an optical illusion. I was just about to take them back... to the pants store. Oh this is embarrassing.

Hit the fat man! Hit the fat man!

Jon Gruden: "The Vikings have a tight slot" that Brett Favre couldn't hit.

I almost shat myself during Fight Gone Bad. I guess I can feel better about myself now.

Does this guy realize the search for the new weekend editor was for Jalopnik only?

Oooh Baxter, you know I don't speak Spanish.

@Street Spirit: Is that French for "Game, blouses."?

I really wish I'd saved that animated gif of AJ for this post.

So, how you doin?

The "mat shot" is also known as "The Jersey Turnpike"

10 grand for her?

@jip1080: Seconded. That opening picture brought me loads of joy this morning, and the rest of the article just kept it coming.

Bob Costas's gravitas isgreaterthansign Chris Berman's gravy boat

IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN, WHENEVER IT MENTIONS THE GODDAMN WIN.

@roland_t_flakfizer: That is a lot of ribs.

@Sheed's Bald Spot: Can the answer to this question ever be anyone other than Eli Manning?

Anyone else stuck at work, late? What a phenomenal night to work late.

@SponsoredbyV8: Not a UFC fan?

Emmitt Smith has also chimed in, and assures us that she is not a homophone.