Right. I’m a handrail-gripper who worries that other people in the vicinity can tell how weird I am for doing so, and now I’m oddly jealous of Trump’s ability to navigate terrain that makes him anxious while wearing his normal stone-cold-asshole face.

Cool. Unless they’re exclusively tying knots around their penises, why shouldn’t a trans boy be able to participate?

“That case went a long way toward ruining her life,” Tyson said, explaining how the elderly woman never escaped the case’s notoriety.

Girl, loosen your waist trainer. It’s depriving your brain of oxygen and giving you a linebacker silhouette. Lose lose.

I’m not trying to change her identity. I’m just stating that it’s not in line with how the outside world will identify her. She can deal with that however she sees fit.

Yeah.

I get that most of her family is black, but, if the cops kicked in her door right now, she’d be white.

Thanks. I can’t believe I missed that.

Even her production company’s logo was a perfect joke

Since you beat me to posting this scene, I’ll settle for its direct successor.

The baby doth protest too much, methinks.

But that extra dimension is not coming from within the movie or the story but from the audience.

“Before that fetus got in there, your penis got in there. Quit shaming!”

C’mon, sis. Where’s that URL?

I can’t see myself ever getting married, but I’ve always fantasized about using my wedding to troll the fuck out of my loved ones on a day when they couldn’t tell me shit. That first dress with, like, an industrial-sized white bra underneath it? That’d be the one.

Cool story bro

To be fair, they probably want to take the rest of the weekend to determine which excuse has the most support in the Breitbart comment sections before committing to their official story.

Even Hitler knew not to wear his neckties down to his dick.

There’s your problem: assuming DJT believes he can be improved upon.

I hope that, in 2021 or so, Michelle films a behind-the-scenes tour of Barack’s presidential library with that unopened box making a cameo in the background.