I hope she speaks in favor of breathing before she leaves the White House.

Wow. The judge didn’t even try.

Shit like this is why I don’t regret deleting my OK Cupid account.

It’s terrifying that this woman had to go through that, but the rest of this is fucking gold.

I just want to be best friends with Gabby Sidibe.

It is 2016 and I am within arm’s reach of that CD because I make great choices.

He felt threatened, though.

These could be the Monthly Battle for Second Place Because, Jesse Williams, Woke Bae Awards, if we’re being honest.

It’s about time America did something for white guys.

Dr. Zoidberg, only not as handsome

Pitch cast someone other than Mo’ne Davis to play the main character as a kid?

For two whole months?!

Maybe I’m being hard on Texas, but I’m guessing he was probably less than one gas tank away from a legitimately homophobic baker.

She should have felt flattered that he was even interested.

Because no one ever gets shot in broad daylight.

Okay then. I’d pegged her as older than 25, despite the fact this trying to lie about your age in the 21st century is sort of futile.

All of ‘em. The show was called Fatal Attractions. This story is like all of them.

That is a pretty ridiculous dress to wear while giving an 8 AM weather report—it reminded me of that scene in Pulp Fiction when The Wolf is wearing a tuxedo at an equally absurd time of day, but no one brings it up—but this was handled horribly.

My mother tried hard to hide her age from me starting in her early 30s. When I asked her how old she was after we celebrated my dad’s 35th birthday, she told me she was a decade younger than him. I bought it because I was seven-ish and didn’t realize that that would have meant that my dad knocked up a high school…