Altruistically testing your anti-virus software.

That’s like 5 months of Tidal. I don’t think so.

If I wanted to see an aging senator trying to hit someone who just wants to dance I’d go to any strip club in D.C.

Bars usually have to pay a per-seat fee if they want to show PPV events live - which then usually gets passed down to customers via a cover charge. Small bars do this, but I haven’t seen large chains do PPV events.

if you know your way around the internet you won’t be able to go 5 minutes without seeing an HD stream the night of the fight. we’ll really see the web’s altruistic side

Honestly, I would go to a pizza gay wedding. Pizza is never inappropriate.

No, you stop.

Honestly, if you (1) went to Syracuse, (2) played lacrosse, (3) looked like a douchy frat asshole, and (4) were named "Hayes McGinley," how could you not totally expect to get the Jesus Fucking Christ beat out of you at least once in your life by a guy named Big Jim Whitcomb.

"I used to watch Scrubs after school every day."

"You know, just once in this lifetime, I would like my favorite team to acquire a legendary skill position player who does NOT turn out to be a complete fucking shithead."

After fumbling and stating he weighed 530 pounds, LenDale White was arrested for DUI and false identification.

But is she single?

Confusing list. I expected him to use bullets.

24? Surely you must feel a little shame.

SHIT. I'm absolutely terrified I will be 70 and making $14 an hour. Please tell me it's not so....

I really think the story would have been better if it had ended, rather than started with, "I am 70 years old."

I hope so too, he sounds like a snappy and with-it dude. Old people who have to work because they don't have retirement of some kind bum me the hell out.

I just hope that he only has a job at 70 years old because he doesn't want to be sitting around the house all day.

I don't know, it had just the right touch of "get off my lawn" to it. I say legit. Judges?