If you're running the spread offense, I can't imagine anything more spread out that placing your players all over the country on different teams.

Decker, Harvin and now Marshall. The Jets haven't had that many mouths to feed since Antonio Cromartie was on the team.

(Most of the) QBs Andre Johnson had during his career:
David Carr
Tony Banks
Dave Ragone
Matt Schaub
Sage Rosenfels
TJ Yates
Case Keenum
Ryan Fitzpatrick
Tom Savage

That is a fucking travesty. Andre Johnson put all-time great numbers with those guys throwing him the ball. We all saw what Larry Fitzgerald did with a couple years…

Coincidentally, "You lovly coaches are most likely mad about that," is how Jay Cutler starts off his letters to the Bears organization every offseason when they consider ditching him.

There is NEVER a bad time for this gif.

I think a certain blog post author is tired of getting their butt kicked playing Cones of Dunshire.

Counterpoint: Ben Wyatt is not funny.

Going to jump in here and say I was not terrified of this octopus at any point. I would unleash hell on its dumb face if it decided to come out of the water.

For comparison, we're going to need to know what else terrifies the Deadspin staff. Suggestions welcome.

Who the fuck just stands on rocks, videotaping a fucking crab? The cameraperson was in on this, no fucking doubt.

I'm probably in the minority here, but I find this type of thing to be kinda fucked up.

Aaaaaaah this is like Aristocrats-level gross...

Tens of thousands of Boston-area men offering her cunnilingus right now.

Seth Meyer was actually the first to do this skit, but he repeatedly kept getting yelled at by irate people for being an asshole because nobody knew who the fuck he was.

See, what makes Pratt special is not just that he thought immediately of sandwich dick, but that even with sandwich dick in play he still went the extra mile and sold it with the look. We're looking at an all-timer here.

Zero. I'm sure they screened the Elmo incident with her and threatened her with jail time or something if it happened again.

Gotta hand it to Tom, he really got out on a limb.

As a 10-year-old Lions fan who just spent Christmas with his family in Detroit, it was probably the least disappointed he's ever been in his life.