RIGHT? It's a "lazy SERVICE DOG." BRB need to go drink all the wine and unfuck my mind.

And you know she'd do it again if given the opportunity.

omg look how cute i look!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reminds me of the time my 14lb mini-dachshund ate a full lb of butter. (ok, maybe 2/3s of a lb)

I once had a medical student tell me about a guy, normal weight, normal height, who couldn't crap for a day, went to the doctor, they did the usual, and he dropped a shit, literally, the size of a softball. They measured it, because they actually were arguing about the size of this mass. Also, it tore his asshole…

I loved this typo so much.

'I had to use a toothbrush to break it up.'

Thank you for destroying my innocence.

I think I came into that stall right after you.

And when you get a really pesky mosquito bite, do fantasize about dousing yourself in gasoline and strike a match for that cathartic hurt-y burn-y get the itch relief?

I didn't realize that sticking a finger in one's ass to see what's holding things up was even an option. Also, going to the vibrator to "shake them out" is fucking hilarious.

I've always loved this story. This is what gave me courage to manually ease discomfort when I'm constipated.

I swear Mark, you'll be the death of me...

It definitely reviled even the most intense orgasm I've ever had

it's fucking 'cray-cray'

This whole time I thought "bae" was a Beyonce thing.

Bae is in fact the Danish word for poop. I would be less than amused if my S/O called me bae.

My tote bag for groceries has TOTES on it and you can pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

He is the winner of the Hunger Games that is Jezebel.com.

"Totes". Kill it dead with a stake through it.

It's related to fund-raising. So networking/cultivating friendships for profit-based purposes. So, pretty much the worst.