This is delightful prose. I love it.

We all work here and are joking around with each other.

YOU'RE RACIST FOR POSTING THIS PICTURE! HOW COME YOU'RE NOT WRITING ABOUT PARIS?!! TOO BUSY POSTING BOOB PICTURES YOU TODDLER PARIS BOOB RACIST!

This boob is very important. This boob sells monogrammed thermoses.

No. This is academic research. Begging is baked into the system.

Wonder bread on wonder bread? Huh.

How many 40-somethings have 20-year-old friends? Do you think he's counting people on Facebook?

This is delicious.

OK, wait, you're totally fucking with us, aren't you? Shit, when you troll, you COMMIT.

"Oh! Well! Looks like you found those bread rolls after all. Wasn't that hard, was it?" I then took a skewer out of one of the pieces of tempura, and plunged it finger deep into her eyeball.

"I like my government so small it fits in a woman's uterus."

Nalgene's On-the-Fly

Nalgene's On-the-Fly

So apparently you're missing the part where

Internal Voice: "But I don't even want six pounds of nutmeg!"
Louder Internal Voice: "SILENCE! I must compare! I will save so much moneys! Then I will get a motor car!"

"Oh! Well! Looks like you found those bread rolls after all. Wasn't that hard, was it?"

"LADIES. PLEASE PAY IMMEDIATE ATTENTION. A MAN IS OFFERING HIS OPINION."

Unless it was necessary

Sangria Piñata