BOOM!

Dude. I am in an MFA program for fiction. I know precisely who you're talking about. They write 25 page short stories and expect us to fall at their feet afterwards. It's like the longest walk ever through suburbia, when all you want to do is find a nice drainage ditch to lay down in so you can drown in water laden…

If you have trouble having an orgasm as a dude, you need to go see a physician to check your thyroid function, testosterone levels and prostate. If there's nothing wrong there, you need to shut up and jerk it, because if you only want to be responsible for your own orgasm that seems to be the most productive activity…

Thank you, straight dude. It is now your mission. Educate them. Educate them all with an iron fist. Er...

cheese puns. I like it.

Mormons and jello salad. Yeah...

Women's sports team or girls' sports teams. The use of female as a modifier isn't problematic, it's only when it's used in isolation, generally as a noun. It's generally best not to use it in regards to humans either, if only for clarity of your writing. For example, you could say, "The tribe of bonobos was unusual,…

Hey fellow New Orleanian, I keep trying to think of something that I have ever truly found disgusting and I can't. These folks hate hogshead cheese? That shit is delicious. I love me some fried chicken feet and whole sardines and mountain oysters and calf heart and sweetbreads and marrow and fried possum and striper…

Oh sweet Odin, Lengua is soooooooooo delicious.

Please stop calling women "females," it's imprecise (female what? flowers? dogs? monkeys?) and offensive. I know it's common military usage, and I tell my military students the same thing.

Yeah. Ummmm. Babies don't understand gender or English. This shit is DUMB.

Miley's hands are tiiiiiiny. Like doll's hands.

PBR tastes like armpits and irony.

Just...fuck that "I looove your skin" bs. Have you seen the exhibit "You Can Touch My Hair?" It elaborates on what it feels like to have your "otherness" commented on every, single, drag-ass day by what Western, American society deems as acceptable beauty. It calls it out as the racism that it is. You don't owe anyone…

Hooray! I have finally found my hairy friends on Jezebel. I don't shave my underarms or legs and I don't tweeze my wild brows. I also don't wear make-up. I simply do not have the time, but I do have the unibrow (HEYO). Completely irrelevant, but dudes dig it.

YAY! Someone remembered us.

I don't want my soul sucked out by having too many copies of myself. It's simple science; picture taken=tiny piece of soul taken. Ziff! WHAT SAY YOU NOW,DOVE?

Yeah, I worked as a welder and in vinyl production. I know the feeling. Maybe I should just go back to voc school. Did you apprentice or do trade school?

Holy shit! You make that much in a month? Where do you work? What do you do? I swear I'm not being facetious, I'm just curious. As a state university English instructor, I make half that. Maybe it's the state I live in.

I wish I had $3500. That sounds like an ass-ton of money to me.