Hate to quibble, bitch, but he’s the *19th greatest goal-scorer of all-time.

That’s how I respond when my waitress asks me to clarify my order.

Imagine how controversial this would be if Bush HADN’T done 9/11...🤔

Somebody immediately check on B.D. Wong, please.

I thought Golden Nights was the Russian Trump videotape.

i know, right? it’s like he somehow figured out a way to melt brie in his mouth

I know this may sound crazy... but a car and a horse are two different things.

his mother was a mudder

+1 fucked guy in prison

Dana Loesch- how much do you want to bet she jogs around her gated community in camouflage workout gear?

PMS? Poop must stink? Popsicle Must Suck?

This has to be it - otherwise, what kind of monster goes to a coffee house with one on deck like that ready to go?

All the clerk wanted to know was “how the Raptors did in the playoffs?” What he didn’t realize was that he was talking to a performance artist.

People take solid poops? In 2018? Teach me.

Canada’s own Barely Naked Lady

So I see she’s already had some coffee.

And you thought Mr. Votto was pissed.

Where does she think she is? A fucking Applebees??

They’re not wrong.

Well, at least this settles the debate — people who stand to poop are monsters.