I feel like venture capitalists would consider theft a sport, right?

You are very dumb and have no idea what "off the record" means.

The biggest tragedy in all of this is that they probably won’t be able to find another white heterosexual ivy league finance bro to take Taubman’s place.

I am starting to think that maybe the Bears shouldn’t have traded up to draft Trubisky.  I’m going to give him another week or two, but folks, this may end up being a little embarrassing for my favorite teams front office.  Will keep you all updated.

Since you are in Chicago, I will tell you that every Italian restaurant is not the same. For instance, where we are going in about 2 hours is fantastic.

What is going on with the wife situation here? Are the two wives getting together to collaborate on cracker supplies?  Are they road-tripping together?  Will the video be available as a subscription?

Corona isn’t even the best cheap Mexican beer. Corona is bad, skunk beer, and is only saved by adding lime juice, which is delicious in just about anything.

[possessed by ghost of Dennis Miller’s career] Look babe, nobody’s been this excited about an Aquino since the Philippines got sick of Imelda Marcos’s shoe collection. He’s responsible for more Red bombs than Julius and Ethel Rosenberg. And that stance - it’s more open than Larry Craig in an airport bathroom, Chachi!

This post could easily be renamed Why Your Suburb Sucks: Dundalk

My lord, the number of meetings I have with The Olds where at least two peoples’ phones go off multiple times. It escapes comprehension.

Any loud phone use should be a war crime.

I’m just gonna go ahead and say that Bernie should do what he should’ve done before he announced his 2020 candidacy (his 2016 run was fine—and necessary): Step aside for Warren, and be the elder statesman he’s earned the right to be.

Not everyone needs to be President. Shit, President isn’t even the strongest office in…

He’s fallen off his game in his old age, but at his peak Marv Albert’s NBA play-by-play was the best national play-by-play coverage of any sport by any broadcaster in my lifetime. There’s nothing in particular that makes basketball worse for play-by-play than other sports. Mike Breen just happens to be a smarmy,…

Any chance Jeff Van Gundy could get banned from all future NBA games as well?

Beyond burgers look weird, taste terrific. I prefer them to Impossible, actually. Way more meat tasting than the author implies. 

Jesus, man. This is harrowing. Like everyone else in the comments, I’m glad things didn’t go differently.

The Warriors are better with Durant but it's definitely fun to see Curry slide back into the lead role and remind everyone why he was the consensus MVP. 

Probably normal

Honestly, I love this response.

Context is everything in social actions and interactions. Knowledge of audience, situation, and location are key to understanding how a given gesture, statement, or behavior is likely to be received.

If you act in full knowledge of the likely (negative) interpretations of your actions and…

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”