That Ben Carson quote is something I hear from some of my folks all the damn time: not precisely that poverty is a state of mind (blech), but that if you took away everything a rich person has, they will make it back, and if you give it all to the poor, they’ll end up poor again. If I had to guess, I would say that’s…

I actually find it incredibly easy to imagine an artificial CEO that does insider trading.

Because if we’re being pedantic about acronym pluralization, might as well take it the whole nine yards: RBIs isn’t correct because it’s not “run batted ins”, it’s “runs batted in”: RsBI. And you can take or leave the apostrophe I guess.

If the plural is on the word “runs”, then why isn’t it R’sBI? Besides the fact that that would be insane of course.

As a confused person who doesn’t watch hockey, why was he behind the net in the first place?

That link did not make it clear to me in the least what the C-word was, so I’m forced to think it’s the dirtiest C-word I know:

For the people coming to this section and wondering wtf is Castilian:

As a Northwestern alum, let me give you a couple of other tidbits:

I’m sorry you’re in such a shit situation and I’m glad to know you and people like you can see the benefit nevertheless. My mom also has bipolar disorder, and she lives paycheck to paycheck, and her position is that if you don’t make enough money to afford health insurance, you don’t deserve it - and that includes…

The version I know is “blow its nose and wipe its ass.”

I don’t know who those last two people are, but I think that might be Jonny Fairplay from Survivor in the middle?

I was about to come down and say exactly this. I would add that refraining from wadding is the most important part so you get 100% anal contact instead of random packing.

With regard to the artificially inflated subscriber count... it’s pretty easy to tell when, as the link to the Daily Dot says, three zeroes are tacked onto the end of the number, so you could get the real subscriber count by covering that portion of the screen. Not that it matters that much, just wanted to point that…

Did you rip on the Atlanta Hawks so they’d never ask you to tweet from their account ever again?

That explains why southern dad calls his mom Mother. His dad was Daddy, though, and the formality mismatch strikes me as weird to this day.

edit: never mind me, someone beat me to the South Park clip

I thought Avon ladies sold beauty products? Are there two kinds?

I love that I sat through a :30 second ad for a Nissan dealership in Florida before getting a look at what their cars are being used for once they’re off the lot.

“Peeing fast allows me to pee really fast”

I remember when Kanye posted on his website a long voicemail from Mos Def describing his predicament before Life of Pablo dropped. I understand more about it from reading this than I did from 15 minutes of listening to that.