LOVE LOVE LOVE this post.   I haven’t commented on a Kinja article in years but you my friend are doing the lord’s work.  Bravo!!!

I’ve boiled more lobsters than I care to admit...I’ve never heard one scream. Not one. In fact, after having broken these lobsters down for consumption, I’ve never seen any sort of vocal apparatus which would even make screaming possible. They don’t even have mouths. As to whether or not they feel pain, that’s a…

Oh please...I go off the grid for a couple of days and have to come back to this tripe? Judging from the intellectual content of your post, I’ll wager that the only thing you know about the year 2000 is that you hadn’t even been born yet.

I’m trying to think of a way to say this tactfully, and failing spectacularly at the moment, so I think I’ll just be brutally honest. Also, I am a 52 year old lifelong Met fan who’s still bitter about the 1973 WS, so trust me when I say this comment stems from pure love: I am sorry for your misfortune, and sincerely…

Get over yourself, fuckwad. Anyone who uses the term “Yanks” deserves to die on their birthday.

1) Most of the Yankee fans I know enjoy rubbing the noses of Met fans in shit far more than they do celebrating their own successes. After all, 27 rings, yawn. Been there, done that.

You need to live in NY to fully understand the dynamics at work here (insert all the anti-NY snark typically found amongst the Deadspin commentariat here). If you think “white privilege” is a difficult concept to understand, try wrapping your head around “Yankee privilege,” which enables an entire subset of the local…

I love WYTS, and Drew, and Deadspin, and all of you regular commenters, even if I’m not gonna stoop to kiss your asses nearly enough to ever get out of the grays, but I don’t give a fuck, I’m telling my story anyway. I grew up in the NY area, but I was 3 when the Jets won the Super Bowl (sucks for me, I know) and my…

Charlie Sheen and I were born the exact same day: 9/3/65. I mention this only because it has always been a great comfort for me to know I will never be the biggest fuckup born that day.

It’s because if you were growing up a football fan in NY/NJ in the seventies, both of the local teams were so bad that you almost had no choice but to find another team to root for. Plus you hardly ever got to watch a Giants or Jets home game, because they’d be blacked out. It’s why you see so many Cowboys and…

As a guy who’s been rooting for this team since the second championship in 73, I can answer that question: now.

“The Huge Molars of Horst Nordfink.”

Alternate take: Angela Hernandez is a horrible umpire and always has been. You don’t “have to” agree with anybody.

Mrs. Romney needed a Mitt in order to make the Tagg.

Seriously. I have no pity for anyone who fucks with nature. You mess with the bull, you get the horns.

This is how fascism happens. It reminds me of Erwin Rommel; when Hitler learned he was an ancillary figure in the plot to assassinate him, the jackboot wearing thugs arrived at his Bavarian country home and presented him with an ultimatum: Kill yourself and die with dignity (at least what passed for it in those…

Gunga Dim.

I can’t believe in all the tributes I’ve seen over the last day or so how little love A Simple Plan gets. Very underrated movie.

“Change me back...you stupid bitch.” Classic.

The fact that each and every woman is a mystery, at least as far as what gets her off, is part of what makes them great. Men are simple: insert dick here, repeat as needed. But there are few things in life I enjoy more than solving the puzzle that is a woman’s sexuality.