I would be remiss if I did not point out how amazing this guy is for being such a good wingman for his fish. You don't want to date him? Fine. He's got 23 fish to introduce to you. They are tropical as fuck and ready to mingle. No hard feelings.

That cover has clearly been Photoshopped! I will pay $10,000 for unretouched images which prove that Lena Dunham is not a Greco-Roman bust.

I hope that song actually turns out to be Taylor Swift writing about herself from Conor Kennedy's point of view.

the fact that my best friend taylor dated my future husband harry brings me more anguish than is acceptable for a dinosaur of my age.

Question for long-time dog owners/experts out there: my parents have a lovely black lab, Jazzy, who's just turned 13 years old this summer. She's in really good shape, though slowing down a bit as she's an old lady. She's been through a lot (cancer survivor!), but the vet says she could last for another couple…

I can only imagine the leg waffles this will lead to.

"He does have his own production company... and appears to be involved in some sort of venture about a machine that does nail art for you at home."

I refuse to believe anyone has reached the heights of uber-importance unless they sell monogrammed coffee thermoses.

Serious question: Does anyone read Prudie for genuinely good advice? Or is it just that her advice is so consistently awful that it's entertaining, in a hate-read kinda way?

I am not an expert on hipsters but I am an expert on Back to the Future and I live near Williamsburg, so I feel like that qualifies me to say that it can be way more hipster than a delorean in a coffee shop. In fact, I would argue that Deloreans in coffee shops have nothing to do with hipsters.

You interrupted his Precious Moment.

Wow. Just Wow.

This story comes, as do most of my better ones, from my time working at Space Camp. I was working an adult weeklong camp during the off season and it came to the time of week when the campers participated in their extended mission which was eight hours long. I was working the SpaceHab area which is the self contained…

I'm pretty sure I've shared this before, but the office manager at my first office job used to take bites out of people's lunches. Like, she would open the lunch bag, take out the sandwich, take a bite and then put it back. She got caught a million times and gave zero fucks.

I saw that the first day it happened, the man was attacked near where my family is from and I was awaiting more details. LAPD is well known for fuckshit unfortunately, they are literally The Worst. They keep trying to reboot, and I sincerely hope it works but your comment tells me it's not.

Glad to see the return of pending comments, even if it means it will take longer for people to see my hilarious jokes and I won't get to see gifs and pics.

There are reasons why white gun's rights activists can walk into a Chipotle restaurant with assault rifles and be seen as gauche nuisances while unarmed black men are killed for reaching for their wallets or cell phones, or carrying children's toys. Guns aren't for black people, either.

"There are reasons why white gun's rights activists can walk into a Chipotle restaurant with assault rifles and be seen as gauche nuisances while unarmed black men are killed for reaching for their wallets or cell phones, or carrying children's toys."

First you take a hot dog, stuff it with some jack cheese, fold it in a pizza ...