I don’t read that as rationalizing it, but sort of a post-mortem, “I think this is what motivated me.” The motivation doesn’t excuse the transgression, and nowhere does she suggest that she wasn’t at fault.

I think this is great, and a testament to why communication (!) was a lot more useful as an answer than (as some commenters did) assuming that she’s being insincere. It sounds like she worked out why she had that desire, and you two worked out a solution that worked for both of you. Yay!

“He’s been hoarding his resentment of your actions like a passive-aggressive squirrel collecting hate-nuts for winter, and he’s unleashing it at you every year.”

I can’t believe this comment section. Yeah, if the guy dumped his cheating wife I don’t think she would’ve blamed him, but if you pretend to forgive a cheating SO and then resent them for it for the next ten fucking years I don’t think the cheater’s entirely the villain anymore.

I agree with you about the “it’s just sex, focus on the WHY” part.

I wonder how many people read the first person’s letter where she states she’s been with him thirteen years since her indiscretion.

But she did, talking about how she was afraid that she would cheat if she lost weight, and then realizing that wasn’t true for her. I mean, she doesn’t list out how she has changed herself as a person with a list, but that’s a definite change, and her accepting her accountabilities in the past

I’m honestly shocked all these commenters that would cut the wife out straight away and not look back. Yes, of course it is a betrayal and of course it’s not something you get over straight away but you love each other so you should work at it. If you can go from loving your wife to outright hate and excommincado then…

Unpopular opinion time? Unpopular opinion time!

I think gender is a greater difference than hair color. Hair color usually doesn’t make sex work differently.* A working vulva/clit might make things different compared to a working penis.

Don’t take advice from burner accounts that toss around cuck as a casual insult.

The idea is that she needs to have sex with other women to figure out her desire towards women. She can’t have that in a threesome, because she’d have to worry about satisfying him more than figuring out her desire.

A lot of responses to the first question are going to be along the lines of “If she can sleep around, you should get to, too.” Ignore those, because that’s completely irrelevant.

The argument that, if this is going to work for them in any capacity, a threesome may not be the way to explore her sexuality because it does not satisfy her real exploration. She may be more concerned about pleasing him than herself, or she may be too nervous to really be comfortable in exploring her sexuality if…

That’s a red flag for me, too. Saying women only date assholes is a cop out. I’m a woman, I think I’m an OK catch, and I don’t think I’ve ever dated an asshole. I’ve had relationships that didn’t work out, but it wasn’t because I picked an asshole. Assholes don’t get much past date one. You may fool me enough to get a…

I’m a woman that’s just a shade under 6'4 and... I dunno, I was gonna say it sucks, but it’s not really that terrible, just really annoying. I’m good looking enough (it’s hard for me to say that, I’m not used to seeing myself that way, but guys are interested in me, so...), but it gets so tiresome when guys I date…

My friend is 5'6" and nerdy. His serious girlfriend is 6'1" and beautiful. Before him she dated a 6'1" guy, and before him a 5'4" guy. It’s anecdotal, but his gf definitely doesn’t care about height.