Can’t wait for Mark Wahlberg to play Edelman in the movie version. The ball will be voiced by Seth MacFarlane.

I guess Congress better hold months and months of hearings to investigate why this happened. Because that’s what they do when a military operation goes south, right, no matter who the President is, or what party they belong to, Congress will hold him accountable, right?

The player replied, “Go have another donut you fat pig”

#peptalktruthers

“You think that’s bad—you should see my videos of the things they say at practice”

“I’ve met worse people. Idi Amin. Ted Bundy. Chris Berman was also a human being.”

What’s the best Age to have kids? Never.

I’d give it 15 min before the majority of the gawker uprising are either dead or have surrendered because they found out participation trophy’s don’t count for shit in horseshoes and hand grenades.

I’m really worried this boat trip is going to be a big distraction for him heading into his playoff game. A bunch of reporters should ask him about it repeatedly.

“We didn’t bitch about this guy for 8 years.”

They’ll remember that blocked field goal they had today for years to come. Probably just call it “The Block.”

Hey, I know people keep calling this guy Elite, but he gets into all sorts of trouble when he gets out of the pocket.

We’re talking about people who feel like now that Trump has been elected it’s legal to say Merry Christmas again.

If you’re not from Brazil, it’s hard to understand the magnitude of this tragedy.

Boo this man? Boo this man!

That kid is every Wizard fan, but that uninterested distant woman is every mother in the DC metro area.

“There are no ways to die that are more awful than dissolving in a scalding acid bath in the wilderness”

Shit, I miss the good old days when I jerked off to a Hustler I kept hidden in the bottom of my sock drawer. Only person I had to worry about finding out was my mom.

“I am the way into the city of woe,
I am the way into eternal pain,
I am the way to go among the lost.

Justice caused my high architect to move,
Divine omnipotence created me,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.

Before me there were no created things
But those that last forever—as do I.
Abandon all hope, you who enter…

We have an electoral college, designed explicitly to ensure that the popular vote can be thwarted; we base those electoral college votes on states, rather than on population;